How to empower your holidays

How to empower your holidays


Make your holidays happy AND energize your kick-a$$ single self at the same time

It’s that time of year again … the time when I see many singles get either frantic or depressed about not being in a relationship. Does that sound familiar? Does it seem like the rest of the world is going two-by-two, in step to the beat of the “Little Drummer Boy,” while you march to the tune of “Only the Lonely”?

Friends at Christmas-PartyIt’s no wonder that most singles are stressed at this time of year. Finding yourself alone during the holidays doesn’t match the pictures of togetherness depicted in television commercials. Indeed, the Hallmark version of how the holidays “should” be has forced many expectations on us that we can never live up to. As a result, it can seem like the darkest time of the year for many. Even those singles who are in madly in love with their lives harbor dreams of sharing this time of year with that perfect someone.

As I like to joke: don’t become a statistic. As an Empowered Single, you have the option to choose how you spend your holiday time this year. Here are some ways to Energize Your Powerful Single Self to have the most kick-a$$ holiday season ever.

 >  Be clear on your own values. What’s important to YOU this season? Community? Family? Service to others? Look at your list and determine whether the items on your list are really aligned with your own values – or, are they things someone else thinks you “should” care about?  What are you ready to say “NO” to this year? And what do you want to do instead?

 >  Mix n Mingle your way.  If being single during the holidays makes you cringe and want to stay home, find ways to take charge and claim your stake in the fun.  If you want to mix and mingle, think about how you’d like to do so. Are you going to huge impersonal parties when you really prefer smaller get-togethers where you know everybody? Reluctant to show up at events alone? If so, employ the buddy system!  Pick one friend to go places with, be it a girl or guy friend, a friend who you can be yourself with, laugh and dance with, and someone with whom you can completely relax and share the festivities of the season. For extra insurance also be proactive and ask the host to invite other singles they know and love – with you in mind!

>  Slow down. It’s understandable that many singles anxiously think ahead to the new year and, then of course, fast-forward to Valentine’s Day, so they amp up by going out on even more fruitless dates or going to even more single mingles (and then wind up dismayed and even more depressed). C0-Creating the Extraordinary is not a race. Being alone for the holidays may not be at the top of your to-do list, but if you’re hoping you can hurry up and find someone so that you can get that New Year’s kiss, think twice. Put away your computer and take a breath. Focus on today, tomorrow or next week — not next month. This is a good time to ask yourself how you can be proactive without rushing into something. Are you meeting people? How are you meeting people? If what you’re doing isn’t working, change it up. Consider what you can do differently so you can maximize your chances of meeting new people and, perhaps meet someone special!

Here's to a kick-a$$ holiday season!

Here’s to a kick-a$$ holiday season!

>  Practice Random Acts of Kindness.  Take a few moments to offer random acts of kindness to both those you know and those you don’t know. If someone else you know is having a difficult time coping with this holiday season, reach out to them. This will help you as much as it does them.

>  Practice Loving Kindness. As you prepare for the holidays, it’s easy to slip into a funk and beat yourself up, thinking that your entire life is a failure simply because you’re unattached. Practice being gentle with yourself. Think about the following:

  • Be more patient with yourself and with others.
  • Forgive yourself. Let go of your inner critical voice that picks on everything you have ever done. Be kind to yourself, let go of the past, and move on. You have a whole new beginning; it starts NOW, so embrace it.
  • Hold onto the things that are going well in your life.
  • Be grateful and express your appreciation towards others.
  • Let go of past regrets and fears of the unknown.
  • Focus on maintaining healthy eating habits, stay hydrated with pure water, get proper rest and plenty of exercise.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff and remember to keep giving the gift of LOVE without expectations of receiving anything back.

Life doesn’t happen by osmosis

Dreams Goals Planning Success

… Don’t let your regrets outnumber your dreams

I had the pleasure of attending a “women in business” networking event yesterday (on a Saturday – at 8:30 in the morning – in the middle of winter – with an hour drive to the venue – I might add just so you can gauge the level of my commitment to this group) during which one of the panelists stated: “Life doesn’t happen by osmosis”. A little while later, another panelist said: “You don’t age until your regrets outnumber your dreams”. These quotes struck a chord with me and got me to thinking about the change process, since at the core, my role as a coach is to be a change agent, a role filled with paradoxes and irony. Ironic because most people want to improve their lives in some way (make more money, get a better job, lose weight, find and keep true love) – yet at the very same time, most are deathly afraid of making the needed changes to achieve what Continue reading

New Year’s Resolutions: Stretching for the stars

Courage Creativity Dreams Fulfillment Goals Homework Planning Resolutions Solutions Success

True confidence can only be found if we put our creative vision for our life to the test, and stretch our selves to the utmost.  – 3 of Wands

What you are is what you have been, what you will be is what you do now. – Buddha

If you’re like me, the New Year always brings with it an element of nostalgia – or better yet, regret – because I realize that I didn’t quite accomplish what I said I was going to do. When you look back at 2013, what are the things that you most regret NOT doing? In the early months of 2014, are you on track to NOT DOING them again? Rather than beat myself up, however, I look at January as an ideal opportunity to transform regrets into opportunities, or goals, for this coming year. And then, because I like to focus on the extraordinary, think about how these goals can S*T*R*E*T*C*H. I love stretch goals because they challenge us to break out of the routine. Are you ready to stretch your goals and give yourself a good mental/emotional workout? Continue reading

New Year’s Resolutions: Don’t dream it, be it

Dating Dreams Fulfillment Goals Homework Planning Relationships Resolutions Solutions Success

Don't wish for a great new yearIt’s a new year, another fresh start, another opportunity to dust off our dreams and desires and try them on again, in the hopes of attaining them. I’ve blogged about New Year’s resolutions before, (here and here) focusing on identifying the subconscious beliefs and behaviors prevent us from achieving our goals. What’s interesting to me is that, in my Continue reading

It’s time to attract the extraordinary!

Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Goals Planning Relationships Resolutions Special Events Success

Let’s Make 2014 the Year that You Attract the Extraordinary! Do you want to see all of your New Year’s resolutions come true? Do you want to attract an extraordinary relationship, or make current relationship gleam? Now’s the time get this party started! Let’s shut the door on 2013 and open a new one, to a life that sparkles with good friends, healthy finances and a thriving career – and most of all, let this be the year that you find Continue reading

Fear of Failure: Its Effects On Your Goals

Goals Resolutions Success

If you’ve read the past two posts, you know that I’ve been ruminating on New Year’s goals ~ and why most of us never seem to achieve those goals. The first step, which we all seem to overlook and which I feel is bigger than any “actionable strategy” that we cook up, is to spend some time addressing our emotional core surrounding our goal(s). In my first post, we looked squarely and clearly at the issue we’re trying to change and took complete ownership of the situation we’ve created (translated another way: Not Blaming Anything or Anyone, including ourselves). Then we unearthed our underlying or subconscious beliefs surrounding our goals ~ viewpoints we weren’t even aware we had (i.e., I’ll always have to work hard; I’ll never meet the right guy; I’ll always be struggling with money.) Then we examined ourselves to see if we had any unrecognized emotional benefits as a result of not making a change, or if we might even be addicted to our struggle. Continue reading

How Underlying Beliefs & Emotional Attachment Submarine Your Resolutions

Career Goals Success

I’m continuing my contemplations on goal setting, New Year’s resolutions and why so few of us are able to walk the long mile to success. Last week I reflected upon the ownership of our crap. I’d like to invite us now to uncover our underlying beliefs and patterns… and to unearth any emotional benefits we may get from staying stuck. Continue reading

Creating Resolutions You Can Actually Achieve

Goals Resolutions Success

Welcome to a new year, a new beginning,New Year resolutions a time when most of us decide that this year, we’re going to do things differently, that we’re going to achieve some long-held goal that we’ve never been able to achieve prior to this. But this year, it’s going to be different. We’re going to be different.

This collective enthusiasm for change is contagious – and can fuel us – so let’s first congratulate ourselves for Continue reading