10 things to do right now to find your perfect partner

10 things to do right now to find your perfect partner

Dating Dreams

1. Start by losing the losers
If you want to find your soul mate, you must be available and not involved with people who aren’t right for you. It’s helpful to get crystal clear on what works for you in a relationship and what does not.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”
Do you have anything “unfinished” that might sabotage your next relationship? Get it handled now! This includes ridding yourself of beliefs and behaviors that prevent you from attracting the extraordinary.

3. Next, make a list your top five requirements
Your requirements are the “must haves” in your relationship, otherwise you would not enter into the relationship or you would leave if you were in it. Make a list of your non-negotiable deal-breakers and vow not to get involved with anyone who doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and to lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing
If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Empowered Dating. My clients focus on these four steps in-depth in my “Attract the Love of Your Life” coaching program.

• Scouting: This is the process of finding compatible people to meet, whether through internet dating sites, through friends, through getting out there, etc.

• Sorting: This is about quickly determining if someone you meet has potential. You’ll need to have your top five requirements handy.

• Screening: This step is concerned with collecting enough information about the other person to determine if your requirements would be met.

• Testing: This step involves dating a few times so that you can compare the reality with the information you gathered.

5. Get support
Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track. If you want to save yourself time and frustration (as well as unlock your joy and peace of mind), consider enrolling in my Become Successfully Single & Relationship Ready coaching programs.

6. Work it!
Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking for someone and network like crazy. Be smart about it though – the scattershot approach will only exhaust you.

7. Be positive and happy
Success breeds success, just as misery loves company. It’s your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!
Go after what you want proactively and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!
If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “no” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single
“If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”). By creating a life you love, you will naturally attract people who fit.

 

If you really, truly, once and for all, want to be happy in your life, enjoy being single, date blissfully and create extraordinary relationships, enroll in my Become Successfully Single & Relationship Ready coaching program. In the words of one of my clients, Anita: “This is the best gift that I gave myself”. Email me here to get started.

 

Many thanks to David Steele for this inspiration!

What’s behind marriage rates declining?

What’s behind marriage rates declining?

Divorce Relationships

Most people think that “marriage” is the promised land of sorts, where every day is filled with rainbows and butterflies simply because they’re in committed relationship. I know this romantic fairy tale is fed to us routinely as we grow up. But I found some stats via a Scientific American podcast and on the Gallup Poll web site  that belie those dreamy notions.

bride and groom splitAccording to the Gallup site, the Census Bureau reports that marriage rates are declining rapidly, from 9.9 marriages per 1,000 Americans in 1987 to 6.8 in 2011. In addition, researchers at the University of Maryland found that the marriage rate per 1,000 unmarried women fell from 90 in 1950, at the height of the baby boom, to just 31 in 2011.

I thought it was interesting because until recently, the news on everyone’s lips was how the divorce rate was skyrocketing – 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce. But now the divorce rate is declining – and no wonder.

I was talking with a handful of women about these statistics and most of them believed that the reason behind the decline is a growing fear of commitment or a fear of intimacy. “Men are afraid to commit or be vulnerable” — I hear that one a lot.

To some extent there may be a kernel of truth behind that… maybe people are not getting married out of fear of getting divorced. Yet I’d like to think that maybe what’s catching on is the idea that being single is an opportunity to create a life you love first so then people can attract the partner that is right for them – a partnership that has successful odds — if that is something they want to experience. This is certainly the way that I regard being single – as an opportunity – and as result, people are delaying getting married.

So what do you think?

Create a Happy Relationship – the 3-legged stool

Create a Happy Relationship – the 3-legged stool

Relationships

One of the most common statements I hear many singles say is: If I were in a relationship, then I’d be happy.  That is cart-before-the-horse thinking. And here’s why I say that:

In my eyes, all relationships are like a 3-legged stool:

You and all that you bring to the experience operate as one of the legs.

The second leg is the other person.

The third leg is the relationship itself – the very act of creating a partnership creates a new entity which we call “relationship”. A relationship is as much outside of each of you as it is within, or part of, each of you. Together you and your partner/friend/relative/co-worker define and co-create it.

As you regard your co-created relationship as this 3-legged stool, you’ll see that for the stool to be sturdy, each leg needs to be sturdy. If you’re wobbly, the whole thing is going to be wobbly. Being in a relationship will not cause you to be strong. If anything, the relationship is going to test you. There’s really no getting around it.

So a successful stool or a happy relationship is best supported by people who realize that both parties need to contribute equally.

“How?” you ask?

Here then is your blueprint to create a happy relationship:

  • Increase your level of self-awareness, awareness of your partner and awareness of the relationship itself
  • Prioritize the relationship in attitude, behavior and action
  • Develop and hone a shared vision of your ideal relationship
  • Improve your level of proficiency with core relationship competencies

Ready to craft a stool worthy of the Metropolitan Museum of Art? Consider my programs the tools you need to help you build it. Enroll now!

Age is just a number

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Goals Relationships Requirements Self Discovery

Maybe the youngsters are right.

As a dating and relationship coach is who is also single, I’m walking my talk – and using online dating services to meet people since I live in a non-bustling area along the Jersey coastline. Even though my search criteria states that I’m looking for a relationship with someone between a certain age range, I consistently get email queries from young men who are way, way below that range. Many of them like to use the line: Age is just a number. And maybe they’re right (to a certain extent – Continue reading

And bad mistakes, I’ve made a few …

Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Homework Relationships Requirements Self Discovery Self-Acceptance Success

Dating & Relationship Lessons I’ve learned along the way

I’m a firm believer in walking my talk so I thought I would share with you some insight, and key learnings, that I’ve uncovered as a result of my many years of making dating and relationship mistakes, as well as a result of going through my relationship coaching certification training. I’m sharing this with you because, in honesty, what I’ve learned has completely radicalized my approach to dating and relationships. I’m pretty darned sure that this will help you, too. Continue reading

Ask the Coach: What’s the magic formula for true love?

Ask the Coach: What’s the magic formula for true love?

Ask the Coach Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Relationships Solutions

Dear Coach Linda: I am so so soooo tired of being single. I went through a bitter divorce about 10 years ago and just cannot find someone I want to be with. Can you please tell me – what is the formula for making the magic happen?
Sincerely,
Mary A.

Hi Mary: I hear your longing to share your life with an extraordinary partner and I applaud your ability to make your goal clear. Without clarity of intention, there is only aimlessness. But I’m also noticing your statement about how tired you are – Continue reading

How susceptible are you to Negging?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Self Esteem Solutions Uncategorized

Or, the perils of low self-esteem and dating.

To love thyself is the beginningFound some research the other day, courtesy of Psychology Today, about the effects insults have on attracting partners – as illustrated via a technique known as “negging”* in the Pick Up artist world. Apparently, lowering someone’s self-esteem does indeed make him or her more compliant and more inclined to accept romantic advances. Take a look at the study results: Continue reading

Zen Dating for the Empowered Culture

Dating Fulfillment Relationships Requirements Solutions Success

values--once you know your values, life is easy copyIf you’ve taken my webinars, you’ve heard me talk about how important it is to identify your top 5 to 10 values – what you feel is of paramount importance to you. These values form the basis of your relationship requirements and help guide you in terms of where you look for a committed relationship and what you want to experience in one. Your values also give you insight as to knowing when to fold ’em and walk away.

And you probably remember me Continue reading

Positive Mindset Pt. 4: Turn that Frown Upside Down

Attitudes Dating Fulfillment Relationships Self Esteem Spiritual Laws Success Uncategorized

Or, Polly Anna has just left the building.

In their book, How We Choose to Be Happy, Rick Foster and Greg Hicks point out that truly happy people deal with their sorrows by choosing to feel their feelings and somehow finding meaning in the situation. In essence, we can use our circumstances Continue reading

Developing an Authentic Positive Mindset

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Relationships Spiritual Laws Success Uncategorized

Or, No One Wants to Date a Whiner

I’ve noticed something lately. In my webinars, I often talk about being responsible for one’s outcomes – being the Architect of one’s life – and not being the Victim, someone who consistently focuses on what other people are doing or outside events and then blames them for his or her woes. The key to empowerment is to own your sh*t. Continue reading