How to develop self-empowerment

How to develop self-empowerment

Fulfillment Solutions Uncategorized

Self-empowerment for happier relationships

Empowered CoupleYou may not realize this but your relationships are a reflection of your true personality and character. They correspond to your inner attitudes, beliefs and feelings about yourself. Relationships don’t necessarily reflect the person you want to be or pretend to be – they reflect back to you the person you really are at this moment. The people you choose to spend time with are a reflection of the person you really are inside.

So to co-create happy, healthy partnerships as well as lead a kick-a$$ life, you will need to take steps to become empowered, which we’ve previously defined as the process of becoming powerful.

Here are some starting points to think about, gleaned from the work of Abraham Maslow, a famed American psychologist who specialized in self-actualization. Self-actualization is defined as “the desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for [the individual] to become actualized in what he is potentially.”

Experience life fully and vividly. The process of empowerment begins when we start to become completely immersed in our experiences – living fully, vividly and selflessly.

Be honest in your choices. Life is a series of choices. If you’re truthful with yourself as you make your choices, then you’re on the way to being empowered.

Be aware of your uniqueness. Realize that you are unique and begin to learn how to express yourself and your feelempowered super manings truthfully, rather than reflect what you believe others want you to do or say.

Act with integrity. You always have a choice in whatever situation you face so act in a way that is honest and true to your nature. As you take responsibility for your own actions, you will move toward empowerment.

Be courageous. Learn to expand your horizons and let go of the familiar. Learn to not be deterred by fear and adversity. Learn to follow your heart and stand up for what is right. Learn to face adversity with dignity.

Focus on continual self-development. Self-empowerment is not an end-state, rather it is a process.

Let go of your ego defenses. Learning to let go of troublesome defense mechanisms that you may use to protect yourself is a necessary part of this process. For example, if you have a tendency to blame your partner for your frustrations or to become angry when things don’t go your way, learn to react in a constructive manner.

Develop trust. This can be a difficult and lengthy process but without it, empowerment and happiness is not possible.  To develop trust, aim to:

  • Be Open:  In the sharing of information, ideas and thoughts.  When appropriate also share emotions, feelings and reactions.
  • Share and Co-operate:  Share resources and knowledge with others to help them to achieve their goals.
  • Be Trustworthy:  When other people place their trust in you, do your best to provide positive outcomes.
  • Be Accepting:  Hold the values and views of others in high regard.
  • Be Supportive:  Support others when necessary while also recognizing their strengths.

Learn to understand your strengths and limits. Identifying these will enable you to build on your strengths. If you face problems that are truly beyond your capabilities, seek help.  Empowered people know their own limits and have no problems with asking for help or guidance.

Develop confidence. Confidence acts as one of the greatest motivators or most powerful limitations to anyone trying to change their behavior and become more empowered.  Most people only undertake tasks that they feel capable of doing and it takes great effort to overcome a lack of confidence.  Self-empowerment involves people constantly challenging their own beliefs and what they are capable of undertaking.

 

… I know all of this sounds simple at first glance yet the real magic exists in the HOW to get there, which is what my coaching programs give you. What’s more, as you move forward toward self-fulfillment via my coaching programs, you’ll learn how to self-manage and course correct when faced with challenges that threaten to derail you.

To learn more about how you can liberate yourself and become an Empowered Single, please email me to schedule a no-cost 45 minute breakthrough session.  (If you qualify).  Email me by clicking HERE.

The Empowered Single: An urban legend?

The Empowered Single: An urban legend?

Self Discovery Self-Acceptance Uncategorized
We're no mythological creature...

We’re no mythological creature…

Know what to look for when searching for the Empowered Single

Myths and fables have been around since our ancient ancestors sat around campfires and spun legendary stories about people or things that exist only in the imagination. Fortunately, an Empowered Single is not an urban legend or fairy tale, like a unicorn or dragon. Empowered Singles exist. They do! And I’ve seen them in their natural habitat.

They’re actually not hard to find – empowered singles share some common qualities*. Here’s how you can easily spot one:

  • They possess a positive self-image with high levels of self-acceptance and acceptance of others – there’s no shame in their game.
  • They can see life, circumstances, people and events clearly without over dramatization.
  • They have a well-developed and even quirky sense of humor that is philosophical rather than hostile. They can laugh at themselves but never make jokes that hurt others.
  • They possess self-knowledge and self-awareness, which is the ability to know thyself in all its facets and thereby know how others operate and then how to interact with them.
  • They intentionally live their values on a daily basis, knowing that their values form the foundations of who they are and who they continue to become. To be self-aware it’s necessary to be aware of our values, to critically examine them, to intentionally live them, to use them as a guide as we make the best choices in any situation and to accept that our values may be different from those of others.
  • They’ve identified their Life Visionand Life Purpose which reflects what they long to bring into the world and points them in the direction they want to move in.
  • They set goals that reflect their values so they can take charge of their lives and move confidently in the direction of their dreams.
  • They understand the hidden science of Cause and Effect, knowing that what they reap what they sow. They are self-starters, responsible for themselves, and own their behavior.
  • They tend to be serene, characterized by a lack of worry, and retain dignity amid confusion and personal misfortune, all the while remaining objective.
  • They resist conformity. They determine their own behavior and have their own views on people and events. Because they take an independent view, they can see situations and problems more objectively and consequently they tend to be creative and make valuable contributions to society.
  • Their intimate relationships with specially loved people tend to be profound, sincere and long-lasting, rather than superficial. They respect others’ individuality and feel joy at another’s success.
  • They are motivated to continual growth and tend to be inner-directed.
  • They use positive and active language, knowing that their self-image is reflected in the words that they use.  (For example, saying “I should” or “You should” behave in a certain way implies passivity and detracts from being in control and taking responsibility.)

empowered woman on grassNow that you know what to look for, perhaps you can start discerning who is empowered and who is not when you’re scouting, screening and sorting potential friends and romantic partners.

Maybe you can even do a little self-evaluation by taking the empowerment assessment featured in the next post.

And finally, remember that birds of a feather fly together so maybe now is a good time to be a member of my Empowered Singles nation – enroll HERE.

 

*Please know that I’m not making this sh*t up – Abraham Maslow, a famed American psychologist, made his career proving that humans are not blindly reacting to situations, but trying to accomplish something greater. He studied mentally healthy individuals (instead of people with serious psychological issues) and concluded that empowered or self-actualizing people indicate coherent personalities (relating to the unique patterns of experience and action that make each of us who we are) and represent optimal psychological health and functioning. He also proved that all the individuals he studied had similar personality traits. These are the traits I list above.

Time to co-create: Your feedback needed

Time to co-create: Your feedback needed

Solutions

Let’s Co-Create the Extraordinary

I have a question for you and would really, really, really appreciate your thoughts and feedback since you’re a group who want to create more for yourselves in your lives and move to a higher level of joy and fulfillment.
feedback couple on computersI was recently approached by an online learning social network to develop an online class in my area of expertise. (As an FYI, as a life coach, I host programs and events to help single people over the age of 35 create a life they love by getting clear vision and direction, strategizing actions, upgrading skills, optimizing their environment, and mastering their psychology.)
If you were to take an online class in this arena, what specifically would you want to achieve? Or put another way, what is most important to you right now that you would love to achieve – goals, dreams, aspirations? Is it learning how to date & relate better? Creating a better support community & friendships? Doing well in your career? Earning more money? Becoming more confident, self-actualized and realize your full potential? Getting rid of sabotaging, limiting beliefs, attitudes and behaviors? All of the above? What would entice you to enroll? 🙂
Comment below or feel free to email me at:  linda @ aurorsana.com …

While we’re at it…more feedback needed

I also developed a quick survey for those of you who live in New Jersey and would like to create a stronger support network. One of my goals is to create a community in real time, in real life (not virtual), where we can come together repeatedly, rely on each other, give support while receiving support. If you have 5 minutes to spare, I sure would love your opinions on that as well. Here is the link to the survey:  HERE 
If you could share your thoughts, I’d be very grateful!
Acceptance: You are who you are

Acceptance: You are who you are

Attitudes Self-Acceptance

Wherever you are on your path of self-actualization

Now that the weather has turned colder, it’s time to get ready for winter. On a deeper level, this is an opportunity to start preparing for hibernation, or the “dream-time” as I like to call it in my spiritual practice. This is the time when we start to go inward, literally and figuratively, to examine who we are, where we are and why we’re here.

This morning I was engaged with one of my more superficial fall rituals – swapping out my summer clothes for my warmer clothes – yet it always provides me an opportunity to reflect. As I was washing my tank tops and linen pants, I came across a few halter tops that I remember buying specifically to please my most recent ex-boyfriend. To him, despite all of my positive attributes, I was not sexy enough for him plus he had a particular obsession with women in halter tops. As I held them in my hand, I realized that I have never worn them since we broke up. In fact, I would never have purchased them in the first place, if he didn’t harp on me to dress sexier.

I then began to reflect on how else I sacrificed my Self just to secure the attentions of romantic flash-gordonpartners. Like the one time a boyfriend told me he would prefer me better if I had really short hair. I then had my curls all chopped off. Or the time this same boyfriend said that I would look better as a blonde (this was before I went completely grey). I then promptly had my hair dyed blonde, which destroyed my scalp and, coupled with my short-cropped hair, made me look like Flash Gordon.

This is all cosmetic stuff, I know, but the point is that I allowed myself to feel that I was not good enough. To maintain their attention and affection, I had to change. These actions were symptomatic of my lack of self-esteem. And over time, my unacknowledged resentment built up until my reactions to people who commented on my looks became venomous.

I mention this because all of my inner work these past five years has been about reclaiming myself. About stepping into my own power, and not sacrificing myself just because a romantic partner says so. This sacrifice is very prevalent in women in general — I see it quite frequently and is the primary reason why I always include self-esteem work in all of my coaching programs. Where, in your own life, could you be more accepting of yourself? Are you honoring your own path and being true to yourself?

Value Acceptance

Popeye as Zen master?

Popeye as Zen master?

On the flip side, I also see people demanding that their partners change in one way or another. It’s one of the biggest traps people fall into -thinking that if the partner could only embody this attribute or look a certain way, then that partner would measure up to standards and they would be happy. This is why my coaching programs help people focus on themselves, rather than trying to change others. We empower ourselves when we shift attention away from how others live, and place our awareness on our own lives. How can you let go of wanting to change others? What would happen if you were at peace with how things are right now? When we take the time to look within, it becomes easier to stay centered in who we are and accept, no matter what the path, that we are all essentially the same.

I hope that you too will get to this place of reclaiming.

 

Attract the Extraordinary Now – Exclusive Consultation

Attract the Extraordinary Now – Exclusive Consultation

Ask the Coach Courage Planning Relationships Solutions Special Events

Limited Time Only

By the fact that you’re reading this blog post, you’re indicating your interest in experiencing an extraordinary life and an extraordinary relationship — where you are fully engaged in the things that are important to you, where you are completely empowered, are living your life vision and are experiencing extraordinary relationships.

Loving your life and attracting the love of your life all starts with becoming Successfully Single and Relationship Ready – and I’d like to help you do that.

For a limited time, I’m offering a special “Attract an Extraordinary Relationship Now” consultation for ZERO COST. During this exclusive private coaching session we’ll work together to: Continue reading

Let’s Bust the Valentine’s Day Blues

Attitudes Courage Dating Dreams Fulfillment Planning Self Discovery Self Esteem Solutions

Back in the day when I was a relationship train-wreck, before I started to get my sh*t together about my self-esteem and intimacy issues, I used to despise Valentine’s Day, and all its reminders about romance and being in love and all those ads where pretty gals were surprised and delighted to be presented beautiful diamond engagement rings by handsome dudes. I used to hang black crepe paper ribbons in my work cubicle, wear all black, and regard the day as a day of mourning. I used to range emotionally from seething to despair around this time of year. I know I am (was) not alone – I talk to many singles now who regard Valentine’s Day as an unwelcome reminder of their “alone-ness” and longing for a loving connection. Continue reading

It’s time to attract the extraordinary!

Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Goals Planning Relationships Resolutions Special Events Success

Let’s Make 2014 the Year that You Attract the Extraordinary! Do you want to see all of your New Year’s resolutions come true? Do you want to attract an extraordinary relationship, or make current relationship gleam? Now’s the time get this party started! Let’s shut the door on 2013 and open a new one, to a life that sparkles with good friends, healthy finances and a thriving career – and most of all, let this be the year that you find Continue reading

What are men looking for in a relationship?

Relationships Solutions Success Uncategorized

I’ve lately been talking with some women who are in a whirl over “how to understand men.” Some of them don verbal grenade launchers when they start talking about guys, while others wring their hands, urgently and anxiously trying to figure out the Masculine Mysteries.

When I’m coaching people, I generally redirect my clients’ attention back to themselves because I find that fulfillment is not about changing other people’s behaviors to suit us, or trying to figure out what motivates others. In my experience, fulfillment is about discovering Continue reading

Women ~ get your shields up … ?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Uncategorized Women

Advocating for the safety of women doesn’t mean that men suck

Shields Up! (Is this what he meant?)

Shields Up! (Is this what he meant?)

The other day I posted to my Google+ account a clip by Louis CK (see here) in which he marveled at straight women’s willingness to continue dating men, considering that men are the leading cause of death to women. This post started to get some commentary from men who felt defensive, claiming that I was contributing to the problem because I was advising women to “shield up” by painting all men as Continue reading

How ready are you for change?

Attitudes Courage Creativity Dreams Fulfillment Goals Homework Planning Prosperity Self Discovery Self Esteem Solutions Success

Do you believe in your life vision enough to “go for it”, to take up that vision with both hands? All creative ventures, including the forging of our ideal life, begin a little at a time, where an idea may lead to another, snowballing and gaining momentum. But the creation of our vision has to start somewhere – we need to move beyond the sanctuary of our proverbial caves, the place where we may be safe and warm but yet stagnant. Our caves might be the debilitating self-doubts and behaviors that, while creating an illusion of Continue reading