10 things to do right now to find your perfect partner

10 things to do right now to find your perfect partner

Dating Dreams

1. Start by losing the losers
If you want to find your soul mate, you must be available and not involved with people who aren’t right for you. It’s helpful to get crystal clear on what works for you in a relationship and what does not.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”
Do you have anything “unfinished” that might sabotage your next relationship? Get it handled now! This includes ridding yourself of beliefs and behaviors that prevent you from attracting the extraordinary.

3. Next, make a list your top five requirements
Your requirements are the “must haves” in your relationship, otherwise you would not enter into the relationship or you would leave if you were in it. Make a list of your non-negotiable deal-breakers and vow not to get involved with anyone who doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and to lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing
If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Empowered Dating. My clients focus on these four steps in-depth in my “Attract the Love of Your Life” coaching program.

• Scouting: This is the process of finding compatible people to meet, whether through internet dating sites, through friends, through getting out there, etc.

• Sorting: This is about quickly determining if someone you meet has potential. You’ll need to have your top five requirements handy.

• Screening: This step is concerned with collecting enough information about the other person to determine if your requirements would be met.

• Testing: This step involves dating a few times so that you can compare the reality with the information you gathered.

5. Get support
Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track. If you want to save yourself time and frustration (as well as unlock your joy and peace of mind), consider enrolling in my Become Successfully Single & Relationship Ready coaching programs.

6. Work it!
Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking for someone and network like crazy. Be smart about it though – the scattershot approach will only exhaust you.

7. Be positive and happy
Success breeds success, just as misery loves company. It’s your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!
Go after what you want proactively and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!
If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “no” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single
“If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”). By creating a life you love, you will naturally attract people who fit.

 

If you really, truly, once and for all, want to be happy in your life, enjoy being single, date blissfully and create extraordinary relationships, enroll in my Become Successfully Single & Relationship Ready coaching program. In the words of one of my clients, Anita: “This is the best gift that I gave myself”. Email me here to get started.

 

Many thanks to David Steele for this inspiration!

What’s behind marriage rates declining?

What’s behind marriage rates declining?

Divorce Relationships

Most people think that “marriage” is the promised land of sorts, where every day is filled with rainbows and butterflies simply because they’re in committed relationship. I know this romantic fairy tale is fed to us routinely as we grow up. But I found some stats via a Scientific American podcast and on the Gallup Poll web site  that belie those dreamy notions.

bride and groom splitAccording to the Gallup site, the Census Bureau reports that marriage rates are declining rapidly, from 9.9 marriages per 1,000 Americans in 1987 to 6.8 in 2011. In addition, researchers at the University of Maryland found that the marriage rate per 1,000 unmarried women fell from 90 in 1950, at the height of the baby boom, to just 31 in 2011.

I thought it was interesting because until recently, the news on everyone’s lips was how the divorce rate was skyrocketing – 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce. But now the divorce rate is declining – and no wonder.

I was talking with a handful of women about these statistics and most of them believed that the reason behind the decline is a growing fear of commitment or a fear of intimacy. “Men are afraid to commit or be vulnerable” — I hear that one a lot.

To some extent there may be a kernel of truth behind that… maybe people are not getting married out of fear of getting divorced. Yet I’d like to think that maybe what’s catching on is the idea that being single is an opportunity to create a life you love first so then people can attract the partner that is right for them – a partnership that has successful odds — if that is something they want to experience. This is certainly the way that I regard being single – as an opportunity – and as result, people are delaying getting married.

So what do you think?

How to Live a Life You Love

How to Live a Life You Love

Dreams Fulfillment Success

… What I’m talking about isn’t just some feel-good mumbo jumbo

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. —Eleanor Roosevelt

The next topic in my Empowered Dating monthly teleseminar series will focus on Living a Life You Love, during which we’ll use one of my favorite coaching exercises, envisioning the future, to help you get clarity on your ideal life.

Create the highest life visionYou’ll find this topic to be deeply meaningful to you because you’ll learn why being clear about your life vision is really the key to your future happiness, why most people haven’t explored their life vision and the unfortunate consequences of that, how to identify the limiting beliefs that hold you back from uncovering your life vision, and why self-prioritization is your compass to leading a fulfilled life.

Most people who are single and Continue reading

Shy No More: Tips for Empowered Dating

Shy No More: Tips for Empowered Dating

Courage Dating Dating Skills Self-Acceptance Uncategorized

Last night I hosted a special teleclass on Empowered Dating for Introverts and judging by the fevered pitch of dismay I received from those who missed it, this is a hot topic. I thought I would share here the kernels of what I discussed, including a step-by-step process to help you (as an introvert and/or as someone who is shy) date to your strengths.

Before we get into strategies and tactics, let’s differentiate between Shyness and Introversion because the two are not the same. According to Psychology Today, Shyness is the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people. Shy people often desperately want to connect with others, but don’t know how or can’t tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction. Introverts, on the other hand, have the interpersonal skills and healthy self-esteem needed for interacting with others yet feel most energized by time alone. Shy people want very much to be with others but lack the social skills and self-esteem to take a chance. Introverts seek time alone because they want time alone. At a party, you might see an introvert and a shy person standing against the wall, but the introvert prefers to be there, while the Continue reading

Attract the Extraordinary Now – Exclusive Consultation

Attract the Extraordinary Now – Exclusive Consultation

Ask the Coach Courage Planning Relationships Solutions Special Events

Limited Time Only

By the fact that you’re reading this blog post, you’re indicating your interest in experiencing an extraordinary life and an extraordinary relationship — where you are fully engaged in the things that are important to you, where you are completely empowered, are living your life vision and are experiencing extraordinary relationships.

Loving your life and attracting the love of your life all starts with becoming Successfully Single and Relationship Ready – and I’d like to help you do that.

For a limited time, I’m offering a special “Attract an Extraordinary Relationship Now” consultation for ZERO COST. During this exclusive private coaching session we’ll work together to: Continue reading

Life doesn’t happen by osmosis

Dreams Goals Planning Success

… Don’t let your regrets outnumber your dreams

I had the pleasure of attending a “women in business” networking event yesterday (on a Saturday – at 8:30 in the morning – in the middle of winter – with an hour drive to the venue – I might add just so you can gauge the level of my commitment to this group) during which one of the panelists stated: “Life doesn’t happen by osmosis”. A little while later, another panelist said: “You don’t age until your regrets outnumber your dreams”. These quotes struck a chord with me and got me to thinking about the change process, since at the core, my role as a coach is to be a change agent, a role filled with paradoxes and irony. Ironic because most people want to improve their lives in some way (make more money, get a better job, lose weight, find and keep true love) – yet at the very same time, most are deathly afraid of making the needed changes to achieve what Continue reading

Let’s Bust the Valentine’s Day Blues

Attitudes Courage Dating Dreams Fulfillment Planning Self Discovery Self Esteem Solutions

Back in the day when I was a relationship train-wreck, before I started to get my sh*t together about my self-esteem and intimacy issues, I used to despise Valentine’s Day, and all its reminders about romance and being in love and all those ads where pretty gals were surprised and delighted to be presented beautiful diamond engagement rings by handsome dudes. I used to hang black crepe paper ribbons in my work cubicle, wear all black, and regard the day as a day of mourning. I used to range emotionally from seething to despair around this time of year. I know I am (was) not alone – I talk to many singles now who regard Valentine’s Day as an unwelcome reminder of their “alone-ness” and longing for a loving connection. Continue reading

Ladies, it is time to call out the power

Attitudes Courage Dating Freedom Fulfillment Relationships Self Discovery Self-Acceptance Success
wonder-woman

What would Wonder Woman post on Facebook?

As I scan all of the status posts on my Facebook page, I see so many women posting articles about men. Here’s a sampling of what I’ve seen over the weekend:  Seven types of men who will never marry. Nine types of women that men do not want to marry. Why women fall for bad boys. 10 ways to know you’re dating a real man. Creativity, madness and drugs. Does your dog love you back? Oh wait – sorry –  those two are my own. … Let’s move back to the topic, shall we? Continue reading

Ask the Coach: What’s the magic formula for true love?

Ask the Coach: What’s the magic formula for true love?

Ask the Coach Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Relationships Solutions

Dear Coach Linda: I am so so soooo tired of being single. I went through a bitter divorce about 10 years ago and just cannot find someone I want to be with. Can you please tell me – what is the formula for making the magic happen?
Sincerely,
Mary A.

Hi Mary: I hear your longing to share your life with an extraordinary partner and I applaud your ability to make your goal clear. Without clarity of intention, there is only aimlessness. But I’m also noticing your statement about how tired you are – Continue reading