“Survey Says!”…dating & relationship statistics

Because I am a research geek (I love surveys and statistics), I was cruising around the interwebs, looking to see if I could find any recent stats on Singles in the U.S. I found a site that I’ve now bookmarked, statisticbrain.com, just in case I have the urge to know more about how many people visit national parks and things like that. They did have a pretty cool table that highlighted findings from a survey chronicled in a book called Sex in America, A Definitive Survey. As you can surmise, researchers like clarity, even in their book titles. I’m summarizing the stats that I found super-interesting here – some of which I think you should consider as you map out your scouting strategies – and of course, I’d be interested in hearing how this information may influence you. Email me here with your thoughts!

Percent of singles who feel they are too busy to meet other singles:
… Here’s where intentionality comes in. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to make time for it. You need to do what needs to be done to attract a relationship because it’s pretty rare that an extraordinary relationship manifests out of thin air. This is Statement #4 on the Relationship Readiness quiz that I give out during my monthly webinars – and if you find yourself so incredibly busy, it might be time to examine what’s really going on.
Number of Americans who use online dating services:
… A couple of things pop out at me here. First – so many use this tool while so few have really mastered how to use it well. The key to attraction and a long-term committed relationship is to be in alignment with your values yet very few people know what’s important to them. Thus very few people can write engaging profiles that illustrate their values in action. If I had a dime for every profile I’ve read that contained vague, blanket statements like, “I like to have fun”. Well, what does that look like? Show me, people! What does a perfect day in your life look like?The second thing that pops is relying solely on Internet Dating as a scouting strategy. This is, in my opinion, the greatest pitfall. Internet dating should be looked at as only one of many ways to meet people. And sitting at home, nursing your computer, waiting for a wink or a response, is isolating and debilitating; we are not out there interacting in groups that are highly aligned with our own core values, where we are most likely to meet a partner.
40 million
Percent of the adult American population that is single:
… Pretty good news for those of you who keep saying that there’s no one out there.
Percent of New York state adults that are unmarried:
… New York City in particular celebrates the single life. There are shadow aspects of that, however. I call it the Peter Pan Syndrome. I should know – I lived there for nearly 20 years.
Percent of Washington D.C. adults that are unmarried:
… In case you’re thinking about relocating, keep this in mind.
State with the lowest ratio of single people (Idaho): 40%
Percent of single people surveyed said that flattery is the best way to attract someone:
… A fail-proof icebreaker if I’ve ever heard one. As long as you’re authentic and can let go of outcomes (meaning that you don’t get snarly if your target doesn’t respond in the way you want them to), flattery is an amazing way to help people feel good about themselves – and it has a residual effect on you, too. You will feel good about making others feel good. There’s a lot to say about how to effectively compliment someone, but I can tell you this: It’s very difficult to flatter someone on something they already know they’re good at. There’s no point going up to a legendary opera singer and saying, ‘You’ve got a great voice’. They know it’s good and they don’t need you to tell them. Or a beautiful girl and saying “You’re gorgeous.” Instead flatter them on something unusual – and then briefly share how that characteristic has positively impacted you.
Percent of single people that say touching as a way to flirt is very effective:
… Oh but please make sure you are reading the correct signs that the person is receptive to your flirtations. The first step to cultivating receptivity is to exude certainty – a simple sense of confidence – so people feel safe. Then start with a simple icebreaker and gauge the response. If someone answers with a short phrase, is not looking at you or smiling, then you know to move on.
Percent of singles that find a great smile the most attractive feature:
… You’d be surprised to know how many unhappy people want to find an extraordinary relationship.
Percent of women who find relationships at a bar:
… Check out my YouTube video about this stat. I’d also love to see some numbers about how many people find a long-term partnership via singles events, such as speed dating or generic singles parties. I’m not a big fan of the scattershot strategy.
Percent of men who find relationships at a bar: 2 %
Percent of married couples who said they found their mates through a friend:
… This one of the reasons why I always stress the importance of cultivating a support network. Since like attracts like, the people that you like to hang out with will know people who are similar to them. In addition, having a healthy network of friends will protect you from isolation. Isolated singles become isolate couples – which leads to relationship failure because one person cannot possibly meet all of your social and emotional needs.
Percent of single people that say the best way to let someone know you’re interested in them is by passing word through a friend: 23%
The number one relationship argument:
… Remind me to create some programming around how to cultivate a prosperity mindset in relationships. Disagreeing over money is one leading cause of divorce (the other is incompatibility or differing life visions).
Percent of women who find money to be very important in a relationship:
… As women become more and more self-sufficient in their lives (I know many, many women who are successful in their careers), they want men who are fiscally responsible. On the flipside, men don’t want to be seen as meal tickets. Stay tuned for more on this incredibly important topic.
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