Life doesn’t happen by osmosis

… Don’t let your regrets outnumber your dreams

I had the pleasure of attending a “women in business” networking event yesterday (on a Saturday – at 8:30 in the morning – in the middle of winter – with an hour drive to the venue – I might add just so you can gauge the level of my commitment to this group) during which one of the panelists stated: “Life doesn’t happen by osmosis”. A little while later, another panelist said: “You don’t age until your regrets outnumber your dreams”. These quotes struck a chord with me and got me to thinking about the change process, since at the core, my role as a coach is to be a change agent, a role filled with paradoxes and irony. Ironic because most people want to improve their lives in some way (make more money, get a better job, lose weight, find and keep true love) – yet at the very same time, most are deathly afraid of making the needed changes to achieve what they want.  I’ve blogged about this fear before (here  and here  and here  ) – these posts are really worth reading if you want to bust through that which is keeping you stuck.

set and reach goal conceptWhat also struck me about the quote “Life doesn’t happen by osmosis” was that it reminded me of something that Brian Tracy says about financial success. He wrote an eBook on 5 reasons why people don’t become financially independent; even though he aimed it at wealth building, the reasons apply even here, in the realm of the heart. Here’s my take on his reasons:

Mr. Tracy said that the Number One reason why people don’t achieve their dreams is that It Doesn’t Occur to Them. Indeed, later on that morning at the networking event, I spoke to a woman who has been single for a very long time and when I told her what I do, her entire face changed. It was like the clouds parted and a ray of light shone down right on her. She admitted that despite her desire to find a partner, she never thought about being intentional about her love life. It Never Occurred To Her.

The Second Reason why people don’t achieve their dreams (according to Mr. Tracy) is that They Never Decide To. Writes Mr. Tracy: “The primary reason for underachievement and failure is that the great majority of people don’t decide to be successful. Even if a person reads a book, attends a lecture, or associates with people who are financially successful, nothing changes until he makes a decision to do something different.” Even if it occurs to a person that he could have an extraordinary relationship if he simply did certain things in a specific way, if he doesn’t decide to take the first step, he ends up staying as he is.

Do you know how many single people attend my webinars, read my blog, read my newsletters, how many single people I talk to at networking events, how many people I know who have read relationship self-help books backwards and forwards … people who admit that they yearn to be in a good place in their lives so they can attract the extraordinary … yet they never make a firm, unambiguous commitment or definite decision that they are going to become a successful single and attract the love of their lives. They mean to, and they intend to, and they hope to and they’re going to ~ someday. They wish and hope and pray that they will, but they never decide, “I am going to do it!” This decision is an essential first step to leading a life you love, so you can attract the love of your life. If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten

The Third Reason why people don’t achieve their dreams is Procrastination. People always have a good reason not to begin doing what they know they need to do to achieve what they want. Do you know how many times I’ve heard from people that they don’t have the time to commit to their Heart’s Pathway of self-discovery and relationship readiness? It is always the wrong month, the wrong season, or the wrong year. Business conditions in their careers are no good, or they may be too good and they’re just too busy. They may have to take a risk, or give up their security. Maybe next year.

There always seems to be a reason to procrastinate. As a result, they keep putting it off, month by month, year by year, until they’re in their 60s, wondering if it’s ever going to happen for them, or worse, making the same damn mistakes they’ve been making since they were in their 20s. Even if it has occurred to them that they can have a life they love, and they’ve made a decision to change, procrastination will push all their plans into the indefinite future.

change is a processThe Fourth Reason is Not Having Long-Term Perspective. We live in an immediate gratification culture where people want the goods right now. Most people do not want to commit the time to unraveling all the garbage (emotional and mental) that has lead them to frustration, dismay and/or uncertainty. The self-discovery process is essential to relationship bliss – and part of that journey is uncovering the sabotaging beliefs and patterns that continue to attract relationships that don’t serve our greater good and then course correcting. This is a process that takes time to take root – and truth be told, even though my 1:1 relationship readiness program, which takes about 3 months to complete, is intense and lays the foundation to a healthy, happy life, I know (from my experience and from observing my clients post-program) that  3 months is not enough for the changes to stick. Thus it becomes vital for people to understand that change is an ongoing process and may take a while for things to grow.

The Fifth Reason is Inability to Delay Gratification … I feel this is a topic unto itself. Let’s just say that there are a heck of a lot people out there who are getting intimate when they are just not emotionally and mentally ready for it. I know this is something that has bitten me in my a$$ one too many times and left me dejected, discouraged, and demoralized, until I took the time to truly understand what was going on.

So what about you? Does any of that sound familiar to you? How ready are you to finally decide, once and for all, that TODAY is the doorway to the rest of your life and to finally do something about it? If you’re ready, let’s talk about how I can support you during your Heart’s Pathway to Happiness?

(And many thanks to Brian Tracy whose work has infinitely influenced me and continues to push me on to greater achievements.)

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