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Kick Your Life into High Gear
Four transformative “things to do” so you can have better relationships, more money, a successful career.
As a culture, we’re hooked into the fallacy of getting instant results. This applies to every aspect of our lives – from our careers, to our health, to dating and relationships. We’re always looking for the formula to success: put the quarter into the slot, and out comes your desired goal.
What most of us don’t realize is that we are profoundly and particularly affected by two universal rules:
- Whatever takes root in our lives — the good, the bad, the ugly — is a direct reflection of our inner world (the Law of Correspondence); and
- For every result in one’s life, there is a specific cause (the Law of Cause & Effect).
To get the results we’re looking for requires working with these two universal laws – which takes time as well as a fair amount of introspection to recognize, understand, accept our impulses and beliefs and then the courage and determination to course correct and reprogram (which is where coaching comes in).
Learn how to harness the Law of Correspondence and the Law of Cause and Effect for your benefit by following these four tips on how to make dramatic changes in your life. You’ll find that the more you follow them, the quicker your desired results will manifest in your life. (Consider these keys to be the follow ups to my 5 Essential Principles webinar, that I’m hosting once more in September.)
1. Let your DOING evolve naturally from your BEING. (And make it a healthy “being”.) After years of struggling, and trying to force goals, I discovered it was not about what I was doing that mattered – I realized that for me to go forward, I had to break destructive feelings and emotionally based negative patterns of thinking. Over time I began to realize I was “being” (in other words: how I showed up in the world) someone who didn’t appreciate herself at all.
To remedy this low-level of self-worth, I would, for years, get up every morning and use my power hour to write out my goals, read my positive affirmations out loud and throughout the day, I tried to keep my thoughts positive. However, I came to realize that my actions did help to an extent, but without uncovering and dealing with the ultimate, emotional block that was holding me back (that in my heart, I believed I couldn’t do anything right), I was driving my life with the emergency brake on.
I’m not the only one. Most people try to solve their problems with action without realizing their issues or challenges are emotional and subconscious. We put in tremendous amounts of time and energy into trying to achieve goals – like finding a life partner or having better relationships, losing weight, making more money, having a rewarding career, and so on – all while locked into emotions and beliefs that don’t serve us. These unrecognized beliefs affect our “being”.
2. Take ownership of your life and your results. I talk about this in my Blueprint for Dating Success webinar: most people want to be victims. Victim mentality shows itself by wanting to blame everyone and everything else for what ever happens in life – from bad grades to failed banks, from divorces to government waste, from blaming the boss to the rotten spouse – to even blaming emotional states such hopelessness, depression. While victim-hood might make us feel better and makes us appear as if we’re in the right, it also makes us helpless and perpetuates our problems.
When you choose to remain a victim, you keep negative energy or emotions trapped. The key is to embody the Creator, Architect, Chooser. So if you’re unhappy in an area of your life, such as your relationships, or your career, you have to own the circumstance and not blame others. The minute you own the circumstance, you become empowered because you realize that you can change it. When you’re a victim, you’re saying that things are happening to you and you have no control.
3. Become aware of your emotional/mental/behavioral patterns. You have to be aware of what’s happening in your life. Pay attention to the kinds of relationships you’ve been attracting in your life – look at your relationships with your family, your children, your friends, co-workers, bosses and then look at your past romantic relationships. What kinds of people do you bring into your life? What patterns do you see? Are they harmonious or filled with conflict, jealousy, insecurity? Do you find yourself always being “betrayed”?
Also pay attention to the words you use when talking about your life or your goal. Words reflect what you really feel. So if you find yourself saying “I can never get ahead”, “I don’t get a break”, “Things don’t go my way” – those words show how you really feel and also become self-fulfilling prophecies. Be aware of how you talk and think about yourself – are you always critical of yourself, and beating yourself up?
And pay attention to how your family behaved or talked about similar goals. So many of us have been living the lives of our ancestors despite our best efforts not to continue this conditioning. When we gain awareness of our ancestral patterns, we have the ability to create spaciousness around our unproductive habits and beliefs. Spaciousness helps us loosen our grip on old patterns so that they can begin to unravel and we can develop new habits and beliefs that serve us.
4. Identify your fears. What’s really stopping you from achieving your goals? The thing that stops you from moving forward is fear. Here’s an example – I have a client who is trying to lose weight and look good, believing that will be the key to attract a long-term partner. I asked her to imagine that she’s lost the weight, and she’s getting attention from men. How does that make her feel? After some reflection, she realized that she felt apprehensive about attracting so much attention because she was secretly afraid of being rejected. But there she was, trying to accomplish her goals while simultaneously holding these fears. Obviously you’re not going to go forward if, every time you start to take steps, these hidden fears bubble up in unproductive ways. The key to unlock yourself from this trap is to explore your patterns on a deeper level, to draw the hidden fears out like you would a splinter. Once they are on the table, these fears lose their potency.
Remember — these steps require time and commitment but as you go through this process of transformation, you’ll feel different, and get better results. These little changes can make a dramatic difference in your life.
Want to live the best life that you can? Interested in making deep changes that not only stick but bear bountiful fruit? Need some support on your journey? Let’s talk! Email me to set up a free 1:1 strategy session by phone. Click here.