Got Confidence? What Kickstarter’s Recent Scandal Teaches Us

Good riddance to bad pick up techniques.

I’ve been reading about the kerfuffle that Kickstarter provoked by inadvertently allowing a misogynist to fundraise for a book (under the guise of pick up artistry) that instructs men to forcefully touch and otherwise pressure women into having sex. At first I was enraged – there is nothing that gets me more riled than violence (of any kind) against women … and then I was grieved to read that this project exceeded its fundraising goal by a huge percent. Ultimately it got me thinking about a sticky subject: pick up artists.

I’m not entirely opposed to the “pick up artist” technique or culture because I do see that it’s primary intent is to get men more confident in talking to women – getting them used to going out on a limb and asking a women out. I know that there are a number of men who actually don’t take such a risk and wind up hampering their own dreams of finding a partner.

What I do see, however, is that pick up artist techniques are an external Band-Aid to an internal obstacle – namely, lack of confidence. By focusing so much on an action (picking up women), men don’t allow themselves to really understand what makes a man attractive: being centered in their lives, having the peace of mind that comes with deep self-acceptance.

While it’s true that sometimes a lack of self-confidence stems merely from a lack of experience, more often than not, a lack of self-confidence stems from feelings of insecurity. Sometimes we have bad feelings about ourselves and we bury them deep inside. When we do this, we tend not to assert ourselves and take chances because we fear our “secrets” will be revealed. Also, no matter how often you might practice clever opening lines, when you think poorly of yourself, it shows. Trust me, as someone who has struggled with confidence issues all of my life, I know what it looks like, smells like, feels like. Like a coffee stain on a crisp white shirt, low self esteem is hard to miss, and ultimately it’s detrimental to any and all relationships, dating or otherwise. So trying to attract a loving, beneficial partner when suffering from low self-esteem is an uphill battle, at best.

Authentic confidence is a slumbering super hero attribute that exists within us all.

Authentic confidence is a slumbering super hero attribute that exists within us all.

However, when you accept yourself, and like yourself, this confidence is authentic – and goes straight through to the very soul. You carry this authentic confidence with you in everything you do – so when things get challenging, you don’t crumble like a house of cards.

The key to building confidence is to love your life – and to appreciate yourself warts and all. If you’re interested in loving your life, and unlocking your self-confidence, and you need some support, please email me. Take advantage of some of the programs I offer (including my Ask the Coach program and my Complimentary 33-minute Whole Life Prosperity 1:1 Coaching Sessions.) For more info, click here.


As a Post Script to this misogynist uproar:  Kickstarter will donate $25,000 to an anti-sexual violence organization called RAINN. For more on the story, check out this article on Salon.

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Courage Dating Self Esteem Self-Acceptance

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