How to be more attractive…?

How to be more attractive…?

Self Esteem Self-Acceptance

As a life coach, my aim is to help people step into their own power and unlock their inner resourcefulness and resiliency, which ultimately rachets up self-confidence to achieve goals (such as co-creating an extraordinary relationship).

I tend to cringe when I see sensational articles on “how to be more attractive” to members of the opposite sex. Anything that smacks of manipulation ruffles me.

The thing is, we are human animals and as such we are influenced by our more primitive impulses, like procreation. This is why when we are young, we are profoundly influenced by our hormones, which then affects our ability to make wise dating choices.

So much of this biological imperative stuff has been studied this way and that, up and down, backwards and forwards … so much so that I feel that we all should keep some of this in the back of our minds when we’re out there dating. (For the record, however, I suggest that we throw away things over which we have no control…the last thing I want to see people doing is beating themselves up over something that can’t be changed or judging themselves as being ‘less than’.)

Check it out:

How Men Can Be More Attractive to Women

http://www.businessinsider.com/tips-attractive-guy-2014-4

A more indepth video here:

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What I love about this video is how it shows that there are biological reasons why a man with muscles is more attractive. It also can be a sign of self-care, which to me is an extremely attractive trait.

How Women Can Be More Attractive to Men

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What I love about this video is that it shows that men actually prefer women who wear less makeup than more. Bravo for the natural look! The rest of it (i.e. wide hips, high voices etc.) I’m going to throw right out the window.

 

Now — again — some of this stuff we can’t necessarily control so it becomes important to embrace ourselves (which is different than being resigned to something we can’t change). And I do not EVER want to advocate that people need to go to extreme lengths to meet these tips. Instead, I hope you use some of this as inspiration to practice some self-care while, as a side benefit, remaining attractive and immensely datable.

In the meantime…

click here

Misery buster: Stop comparing your life to others

Misery buster: Stop comparing your life to others

Self Esteem Success

Comparison is the thief of joy – Teddy Roosevelt

Because I believe in “doing well” in my life and in my career, I recently joined a prosperity mindset group, thinking that I could use some support as I incline my mind toward abundance. Every day I read about other people’s positive evidences, the tangible proof as the group members begin to grow and expand and manifest.

Some of these positive evidences have been mind-boggling big, such as one woman’s attendance at a networking event and walking away with three new clients. I mean, WOW.

Comparison Envy

Her plant is bigger than my plant. What the heck?

Yet I’ve been noticing something that’s been happening frequently these days. Every time I read other people’s positive evidence, I began to fall into an age-old trap –The Comparison Trap. Every time I read their statements, I started to think:  What’s wrong with me? How is it that they are experiencing such rapid manifestation? … and I then would sink into dismay.

We ALL fall into this trap – I often hear this from many of my clients as well as friends and peers. For instance, a friend of mine was recounting the time when he was invited to a party at a big warehouse in Brooklyn, along the waterfront in Williamsburg. He was having a great time enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and delicious hors d’oeuvres, all while talking with people who were dynamic and intelligent and worldly – just the kind of people he loves talking with. Later in the evening he noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. He peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly he was seized by despair, thinking that his gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party he didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I think single people are more prone to this trap because we have the added pressure of thinking that there’s something wrong with us that we’re not in a relationship. We’re already dealing with feelings of “less-than”.

jealous-friend

Green-eyed monster will eat your brains.

And our consumer culture is built on this comparison trap and our feelings of dismay and envy. It’s like a cultural institution because that is the prime motivation for selling lots and lots of “stuff”.

The thing is, comparing ourselves to others in anything, whether spiritual growth, business, weight, finances, relationships, appearance, and bling, isn’t useful.  Every time you look at something and feel less than, your energy becomes lower and you cut off your ability to attract the very thing you want to achieve. Comparison doesn’t do anything of value. So therefore, the most transformational changes that we hope to make really HAVE to start on the inner level, working with our subconscious limiting beliefs and inner critic, learning to trust ourselves and feel good about our lives.

Also, remember to not always believe what you see. In the cases where people are talking about the great things that are happening in their lives, we need to recognize that people aren’t often open to sharing their challenges. You only know what people present as a persona. I always explain to people when they are comparing themselves to others, that you don’t really know what’s going on for them.

SO the next time you find yourself saying things like “Mary has a bigger car,” or “Sarah gets all the lucky breaks”, or “Tom has more money,” or “Jeff is better looking”… just remember to Snap Out of It! Focus on the things that are going well in your life and if you want MORE, allow yourself to do the necessary work to achieve it.

Loneliness Isolation Depression Despair and Robin Williams

Loneliness Isolation Depression Despair and Robin Williams

Self Esteem Self-Acceptance

I’d been ruminating rather relentlessly on how loneliness and isolation has become an epidemic in the U.S. as we increasingly lead lives that don’t nurture support communities when, in the middle of my meditations, came news about Robin Williams. Beloved Robin Williams who was known by so many to be kind and gracious in addition to being hilarious. Mork and Mindy was one of my favorite shows and certainly many of his movies – Mrs. Doubtfire, The Bird Cage to name a few – I’ve watched at least a hundred times. While most news pundits are talking about his depression, most psychologists are talking about his despair, which is the complete lack of hope and is the most life threatening part of depression.

Despair.

When I think about social isolation, loneliness and despair, it all feels like a “what came first, the chicken or the egg” kind of riddle. Does one cause the other? Is one the effect of the other? What’s the source? What’s the result?

Does it even matter?

The thing is, isolation, loneliness and despair involve feeling utterly hopeless (not sure there’s a future worth living), worthless (having no real value), useless (that nothing we’ve done has helped the world), helpless (deprived of strength or power), meaningless (like nothing we’ve done matters). I have coached many singles who suffered from these feelings. I can see their pain.

And I can see how our feelings can escalate and perpetuate. In the case of Robin Williams, I can see how most of us, who don’t know how dark and deep depression can be, would find it hard to believe that he could feel any of the above. And according to many psychologists, that’s precisely what causes a person to feel alone in their pain.

One of the biggest takeaways I’ve gotten from my ruminations is that suffering is feeling utterly alone in pain. While most people can endure pain, few can endure prolonged unrelenting suffering. However when someone is able to make it through and breakthrough our “iron walls” that keeps all help and hope out and keeps us locked up inside, suffering you can’t live with becomes pain that you can.

How does this all tie in together? What’s the greater lesson? When we allow ourselves to seek help, allow ourselves to let people in and become vulnerable, we eliminate suffering. And my heart breaks to think that Robin Williams was suffering so much.

Ask the Coach: Isn’t Relationship Coaching Nothing More Than Snake Oil?

Ask the Coach: Isn’t Relationship Coaching Nothing More Than Snake Oil?

Ask the Coach Courage Freedom Self Esteem Women

Dear Coach Linda:
Forgive me for being blunt, but what do you think you’re doing here on Meet Up.com, promoting yourself as a relationship coach? You are nothing more than a snake oil salesman, out to make a buck. – Jim

Hi Jim,
I’m curious about how vehemently you are opposed to relationship coaching – I assume stems from your concern about people being taken advantage of, especially those who have recently gone through a divorce and may be feeling vulnerable, hurt, and lonely. If this is true, then I appreciate your desire to protect people from vultures.

But I whole-heartedly disagree with you about relationship coaching being nothing more than snake oil. Here’s why. Continue reading

Let’s Bust the Valentine’s Day Blues

Attitudes Courage Dating Dreams Fulfillment Planning Self Discovery Self Esteem Solutions

Back in the day when I was a relationship train-wreck, before I started to get my sh*t together about my self-esteem and intimacy issues, I used to despise Valentine’s Day, and all its reminders about romance and being in love and all those ads where pretty gals were surprised and delighted to be presented beautiful diamond engagement rings by handsome dudes. I used to hang black crepe paper ribbons in my work cubicle, wear all black, and regard the day as a day of mourning. I used to range emotionally from seething to despair around this time of year. I know I am (was) not alone – I talk to many singles now who regard Valentine’s Day as an unwelcome reminder of their “alone-ness” and longing for a loving connection. Continue reading

How ready are you for change?

Attitudes Courage Creativity Dreams Fulfillment Goals Homework Planning Prosperity Self Discovery Self Esteem Solutions Success

Do you believe in your life vision enough to “go for it”, to take up that vision with both hands? All creative ventures, including the forging of our ideal life, begin a little at a time, where an idea may lead to another, snowballing and gaining momentum. But the creation of our vision has to start somewhere – we need to move beyond the sanctuary of our proverbial caves, the place where we may be safe and warm but yet stagnant. Our caves might be the debilitating self-doubts and behaviors that, while creating an illusion of Continue reading

Got self-esteem?

Attitudes Dreams Fulfillment Goals Relationships Self Esteem Success Uncategorized

Or, to paraphrase Sally Field: “I like me! Right now, I like me!”

Anyone who reads my blog posts, or sits in on my webinars, consistently hears me say: Know Thyself … and … Be Your True Self (<– 5 Essential Principles for Dating Bliss). The underlying thread here is that knowing yourself leads to self-acceptance, and when you accept yourself, you can be true to yourself, and not sacrifice yourself on the altar of desperation and self-loathing. (How’s that for drama?) You’ll make much better choices if you have healthy self-regard. This seems to be a “DUH!” statement but boy oh boy, our world is chock full of people who berate themselves, who are unaware of their sabotaging beliefs, and thus deny themselves their full potential. In other words, This Is A Biggie. There is no true success Continue reading

How susceptible are you to Negging?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Self Esteem Solutions Uncategorized

Or, the perils of low self-esteem and dating.

To love thyself is the beginningFound some research the other day, courtesy of Psychology Today, about the effects insults have on attracting partners – as illustrated via a technique known as “negging”* in the Pick Up artist world. Apparently, lowering someone’s self-esteem does indeed make him or her more compliant and more inclined to accept romantic advances. Take a look at the study results: Continue reading

Positive Mindset Pt. 4: Turn that Frown Upside Down

Attitudes Dating Fulfillment Relationships Self Esteem Spiritual Laws Success Uncategorized

Or, Polly Anna has just left the building.

In their book, How We Choose to Be Happy, Rick Foster and Greg Hicks point out that truly happy people deal with their sorrows by choosing to feel their feelings and somehow finding meaning in the situation. In essence, we can use our circumstances Continue reading

Positive Mindset Pt. 3: The False Allure of Relentless Positivity

Attitudes Fulfillment Self Esteem Solutions Spiritual Laws

 Or, avoid becoming a Stepford Wife

In this post, I want to re-emphasize how important it is to “look on the bright side of life” while at the same time diverging from the popular “adopt a positive attitude” approach that has permeated today’s zeitgeist. As someone who practices Coaching for Transformation, I want to focus on alchemical change – which means that to get to the good stuff, we move through the crappy stuff so you can be FREE. The only way out is through. Continue reading