A spiritual partnership is merely a lump of coal that…

A spiritual partnership is merely a lump of coal that…

Dating Relationships Uncategorized

I know all this spiritual talk must sound esoteric mumbo jumbo but frankly I think everyone desires to be in a relationship with a conscious (i.e., aware) partner whether or not they overtly follow a spiritual path. By spiritual, I mean being concerned with the “higher” things in life, such as their own emotional, psychological and soul evolution.

Most passionate, committed and loving relationships are, indeed, conscious ones, showing a high degree of compassion, honesty, intentionality, communication, empathy and so on.

Despite this ubiquitous desire to attract a conscious relationship, and despite all the inner work that spiritual, or evolutionary, singles do, few actually get to attract such a ready-made partner into their reality right off the bat. I don’t want to sound like a big bummer because I don’t mean the situation is hopeless. I just mean that most people are diamonds in the rough and there’s a lot that can be done to co-create and sustain a high-vibrational or high functioning relationship. So let’s talk more about this.

Start with the Right Mindset
First of all, as I mention in pretty much every blog post, we need to continually unearth what’s going on with our experiences (rightmindfulness) because we’ve all become so adept at deceiving ourselves that even those who have the most ardent spiritual practices can fall into Dating Traps ( check some of them out here ). Or we fall into another trap that I like to call the Perfect Already Trap, where the spiritual or inner-looking single demands that his or her partner must have already attained Buddhahood, a state of perfect enlightenment. Therefore, it becomes even more important for us spiritual folks to become supremely aware of subconscious beliefs, and black or white thinking, that we unwittingly may still be carrying around.

Use the right tools
Contrary to popular belief, we don’t “find” our soul mate; we co-create our soul mate partnership through an equal exchange of energy, knowledge, compassion, empathy, and right communication. I’ve got a blog post coming up on the truth about soul mates but in the meantime, remember that some spiritual peeps may be farther along in the journey but some may actually be just starting their journey in earnest. And remember, just because someone calls him or herself spiritual that’s no guarantee they’re enlightened. I remember meeting a yoga teacher through Match.com who was not only an hour late for our meet up but behaved in a bombastic manner throughout the evening, telling me what to do, criticizing my body and not listening to what I had to say. Or an acquaintance who went to every spiritual workshop and weekend intensive but remained incredibly snarky, gossipy and unforgiving. So maybe a better evaluation tool is to observe people’s willingness to learn and connect with you in the process of dating.

conscious relationshipsSoul mate relationships may be co-created … but here’s how to increase your odds
In that spirit, today I want to make it easier for you to identify what a conscious person looks like by pinpointing typical enlightened behavior within a relationship, so that in your search for a spiritual partner, you don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Overall, a conscious partner:

  • Is not looking for a trophy wife or sugar daddy; instead, they’re looking for natural, genuine and authentic partners
  • Provides a safe space for you to express yourself
  • Allows healthy emotional expression (including anger) and doesn’t expect you to be a Stepford Partner. In fact, a conscious person may even help you sort through what’s making you angry, to help you find the hidden gems called Your Needs
  • Knows how to authentically and deeply listen to you (and not listen in order to formulate a reply or rebuttal)
  • Makes you a priority without being codependent
  • Is fully committed to you and the relationship
  • Makes you feel unique and significant
  • Is open-minded, relaxed and comfortable with sexuality
  • Lets go of self-righteousness, and the need to control everything
  • Is comfortable saying “I’m wrong” and “I’m sorry”
  • Is equally ok with fully embodying both “masculine” traits and behaviors (proactivity, aggression, initiation, action, manifestation and movement) as well “feminine” traits and behaviors (nurturance, receptivity, love, compassion, connection, empathy), knowing in some way that these traits are not exclusive to gender
  • Doesn’t avoid conflicts and knows how to navigate tension to resolve disagreements with compassion
  • Has as top priorities good health, evolution and personal growth

Does that describe you? If so, then congrats – you are a spiritual partner!

While it’s true that finding a conscious partner may take some work (this is the quest for the Holy Grail, after all), I know that it’s possible. I’ve had the privilege to work with many conscious men who are looking for a committed relationship with a conscious woman and vice versa. They do exist.

Why are you not attracting a conscious partner?
What, then, keeps people such as yourself from attracting and being in a relationship with a conscious partner? After 15 years of working with people from all over the world, I’ve noticed certain patterns that prevent people from attracting a conscious partnership. These patterns or dynamics keep them stuck on a karmic, merry-go-round where they keep attracting the same type of person (dishonest, non-committed, unavailable, immature, etc.) or not attract any one at all.

Once the kind of deep inner work is undertaken to identify and transform these patterns, which is what my Empowered Relationships programs provide, the possibility of attracting a conscious partner and manifesting an extraordinary relationship becomes inevitable.

Up Next:
How to ensure you will attract a conscious partner.

Attract the Extraordinary Now – Exclusive Consultation

Attract the Extraordinary Now – Exclusive Consultation

Ask the Coach Courage Planning Relationships Solutions Special Events

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By the fact that you’re reading this blog post, you’re indicating your interest in experiencing an extraordinary life and an extraordinary relationship — where you are fully engaged in the things that are important to you, where you are completely empowered, are living your life vision and are experiencing extraordinary relationships.

Loving your life and attracting the love of your life all starts with becoming Successfully Single and Relationship Ready – and I’d like to help you do that.

For a limited time, I’m offering a special “Attract an Extraordinary Relationship Now” consultation for ZERO COST. During this exclusive private coaching session we’ll work together to: Continue reading

Empowered Dating for Introverts

Empowered Dating for Introverts

Courage Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Relationships Self Discovery

Do you feel awkward, even apprehensive, when approaching or being approached by other people? Do you desperately want to connect with others, but don’t know how or can’t tolerate the anxiety that comes with interaction? Dating can seem extraordinarily hard for those who are either shy or introverted – taking risks to put oneself out there can seem like a daunting task. Plus our society tends to disfavor either trait; often we express this bias by encouraging shy and/or introverted people to see themselves as ill.

The truth is, more people than not are both. In fact, shyness and introversion – or more accurately, the careful, sensitive temperament from which both often spring – are not just normal, they are valuable. The challenge is when we long to make a connection and are Continue reading

“Survey Says!”…dating & relationship statistics

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Goals Planning Relationships Solutions Women

Because I am a research geek (I love surveys and statistics), I was cruising around the interwebs, looking to see if I could find any recent stats on Singles in the U.S. I found a site that I’ve now bookmarked, statisticbrain.com, just in case I have the urge to know more about how many people visit national parks and things like that. They did have a pretty cool table that highlighted findings from a survey chronicled in a book called Sex in America, A Definitive Survey. As you can surmise, researchers like clarity, even in their book titles. I’m summarizing the stats that I found super-interesting here – some of which I think you should consider as you map out your scouting strategies – and of course, Continue reading

New Year’s Resolutions: Don’t dream it, be it

Dating Dreams Fulfillment Goals Homework Planning Relationships Resolutions Solutions Success

Don't wish for a great new yearIt’s a new year, another fresh start, another opportunity to dust off our dreams and desires and try them on again, in the hopes of attaining them. I’ve blogged about New Year’s resolutions before, (here and here) focusing on identifying the subconscious beliefs and behaviors prevent us from achieving our goals. What’s interesting to me is that, in my Continue reading

It’s time to attract the extraordinary!

Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Goals Planning Relationships Resolutions Special Events Success

Let’s Make 2014 the Year that You Attract the Extraordinary! Do you want to see all of your New Year’s resolutions come true? Do you want to attract an extraordinary relationship, or make current relationship gleam? Now’s the time get this party started! Let’s shut the door on 2013 and open a new one, to a life that sparkles with good friends, healthy finances and a thriving career – and most of all, let this be the year that you find Continue reading

What are men looking for in a relationship?

Relationships Solutions Success Uncategorized

I’ve lately been talking with some women who are in a whirl over “how to understand men.” Some of them don verbal grenade launchers when they start talking about guys, while others wring their hands, urgently and anxiously trying to figure out the Masculine Mysteries.

When I’m coaching people, I generally redirect my clients’ attention back to themselves because I find that fulfillment is not about changing other people’s behaviors to suit us, or trying to figure out what motivates others. In my experience, fulfillment is about discovering Continue reading

Women ~ get your shields up … ?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Uncategorized Women

Advocating for the safety of women doesn’t mean that men suck

Shields Up! (Is this what he meant?)

Shields Up! (Is this what he meant?)

The other day I posted to my Google+ account a clip by Louis CK (see here) in which he marveled at straight women’s willingness to continue dating men, considering that men are the leading cause of death to women. This post started to get some commentary from men who felt defensive, claiming that I was contributing to the problem because I was advising women to “shield up” by painting all men as Continue reading

10 Commandments of Attracting Extraordinary Relationships

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Relationships Requirements Self Discovery Success
Just say no to "meh"

Just say no to “meh”

Interested in attracting the extraordinary? Not satisfied with “meh” (or worse, destructive) relationships? Congratulations – and welcome to Empowered Dating & Relationships, a new paradigm. I do not believe – not for one second – that we need to settle for anything less than the very best in our lives. I think that men and women alike can come together from this space of empowerment and vitality and learn to co-create relationships that are uplifting, exciting and Continue reading

Are you caught in a trap?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Solutions Success Uncategorized

Register for all the major online dating sites – Check.
Go to singles mixers – Check.
Ask friends to help scout – Check.
Go out on a bunch of dates and come home frustrated and dismayed – Check.

What exactly is going wrong? If you’re like me, it could very well be that you’ve fallen into one of these common dating traps. Continue reading