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I know all this spiritual talk must sound esoteric mumbo jumbo but frankly I think everyone desires to be in a relationship with a conscious (i.e., aware) partner whether or not they overtly follow a spiritual path. By spiritual, I mean being concerned with the “higher” things in life, such as their own emotional, psychological and soul evolution.
Most passionate, committed and loving relationships are, indeed, conscious ones, showing a high degree of compassion, honesty, intentionality, communication, empathy and so on.
Despite this ubiquitous desire to attract a conscious relationship, and despite all the inner work that spiritual, or evolutionary, singles do, few actually get to attract such a ready-made partner into their reality right off the bat. I don’t want to sound like a big bummer because I don’t mean the situation is hopeless. I just mean that most people are diamonds in the rough and there’s a lot that can be done to co-create and sustain a high-vibrational or high functioning relationship. So let’s talk more about this.
Start with the Right Mindset
First of all, as I mention in pretty much every blog post, we need to continually unearth what’s going on with our experiences (rightmindfulness) because we’ve all become so adept at deceiving ourselves that even those who have the most ardent spiritual practices can fall into Dating Traps ( check some of them out here ). Or we fall into another trap that I like to call the Perfect Already Trap, where the spiritual or inner-looking single demands that his or her partner must have already attained Buddhahood, a state of perfect enlightenment. Therefore, it becomes even more important for us spiritual folks to become supremely aware of subconscious beliefs, and black or white thinking, that we unwittingly may still be carrying around.
Use the right tools
Contrary to popular belief, we don’t “find” our soul mate; we co-create our soul mate partnership through an equal exchange of energy, knowledge, compassion, empathy, and right communication. I’ve got a blog post coming up on the truth about soul mates but in the meantime, remember that some spiritual peeps may be farther along in the journey but some may actually be just starting their journey in earnest. And remember, just because someone calls him or herself spiritual that’s no guarantee they’re enlightened. I remember meeting a yoga teacher through Match.com who was not only an hour late for our meet up but behaved in a bombastic manner throughout the evening, telling me what to do, criticizing my body and not listening to what I had to say. Or an acquaintance who went to every spiritual workshop and weekend intensive but remained incredibly snarky, gossipy and unforgiving. So maybe a better evaluation tool is to observe people’s willingness to learn and connect with you in the process of dating.
Soul mate relationships may be co-created … but here’s how to increase your odds
In that spirit, today I want to make it easier for you to identify what a conscious person looks like by pinpointing typical enlightened behavior within a relationship, so that in your search for a spiritual partner, you don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Overall, a conscious partner:
- Is not looking for a trophy wife or sugar daddy; instead, they’re looking for natural, genuine and authentic partners
- Provides a safe space for you to express yourself
- Allows healthy emotional expression (including anger) and doesn’t expect you to be a Stepford Partner. In fact, a conscious person may even help you sort through what’s making you angry, to help you find the hidden gems called Your Needs
- Knows how to authentically and deeply listen to you (and not listen in order to formulate a reply or rebuttal)
- Makes you a priority without being codependent
- Is fully committed to you and the relationship
- Makes you feel unique and significant
- Is open-minded, relaxed and comfortable with sexuality
- Lets go of self-righteousness, and the need to control everything
- Is comfortable saying “I’m wrong” and “I’m sorry”
- Is equally ok with fully embodying both “masculine” traits and behaviors (proactivity, aggression, initiation, action, manifestation and movement) as well “feminine” traits and behaviors (nurturance, receptivity, love, compassion, connection, empathy), knowing in some way that these traits are not exclusive to gender
- Doesn’t avoid conflicts and knows how to navigate tension to resolve disagreements with compassion
- Has as top priorities good health, evolution and personal growth
Does that describe you? If so, then congrats – you are a spiritual partner!
While it’s true that finding a conscious partner may take some work (this is the quest for the Holy Grail, after all), I know that it’s possible. I’ve had the privilege to work with many conscious men who are looking for a committed relationship with a conscious woman and vice versa. They do exist.
Why are you not attracting a conscious partner?
What, then, keeps people such as yourself from attracting and being in a relationship with a conscious partner? After 15 years of working with people from all over the world, I’ve noticed certain patterns that prevent people from attracting a conscious partnership. These patterns or dynamics keep them stuck on a karmic, merry-go-round where they keep attracting the same type of person (dishonest, non-committed, unavailable, immature, etc.) or not attract any one at all.
Once the kind of deep inner work is undertaken to identify and transform these patterns, which is what my Empowered Relationships programs provide, the possibility of attracting a conscious partner and manifesting an extraordinary relationship becomes inevitable.
How to ensure you will attract a conscious partner.