I know way too many (and I mean WAYYYY TOO MANY) singles who desire to attract a great relationship and only focus on strategies – actions undertaken to achieve an aim or goal. Meanwhile they completely ignore certain truths that need to be addressed for the strategy to work. In fact, the other day I had a conversation with a woman who not only tried EHarmony, Match.com, OKCupid and 2 other dating sites, but also paid a matchmaker $4000 to find her a partner. All of which ultimately failed, despite her vehement assertions that “I know exactly what I want in a partner”. (Red Flag Alert!!) So what went wrong? As I’ve said, your inner game is the key that unlocks your gateway to happiness. And why do I stress the inner game so much? Consider this:
You are a magnet.
I’m sure right now you’re picturing yourself as a giant U-shaped piece of metal but actuallywhat I’m talking about is that we are all radiating energy. (OK so here we move to a quantum physics perspective, so hang on.)
Energy makes up everything in existence throughout the universe; it vibrates at certain frequencies depending upon what it is manifest as. Everything is energy and energy is an attractive force, binding together to form matter as we know it.
Everything we sense through our natural five senses of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste is also made up of energy. We also know that things we cannot sense such as radio waves, certain sound waves and even light waves that are outside the visible spectrum are all made up of energy.
Probably the toughest part to comprehend is the fact that even our thoughts are made up of energy and thus vibrate at certain frequencies, depending upon what we are thinking about and what emotion is driving or being driven by those thoughts. Thoughts are far more powerful than we have ever imagined because they not only have the ability to vibrate at their own frequency, they can alter in frequency depending on what we are thinking about. What’s even more compelling is that our thoughts can attract energy to them that is vibrating on the same frequency. This is the underlying explanation of the Law of Attraction. And guess what, as a single wanting to find a conscious partnership, you are in the quantum physics/Law of Attraction game.
If you want some proof of this, try this exercise. Wake up in the morning and dwell upon something that you don’t like about your life. Maybe you don’t really like your commute. So throughout the morning, focus on how much you despise your commute, how rude the other drivers are, how expensive gas is and so on. Linger in this anger the entire morning. Now, when you arrive at your office, take note of how your coworkers react to you. More than likely, they’re going to stay away. The energies of your thoughts have created this subliminal physical barrier that pushes people away.
So as we have energies and our thoughts have energies, which have vibrations, we are always repelling or attracting people and experiences that jive with those vibrations. Being aware of what we’re putting out there is vital when you’re looking to attract someone or something into your life, like an extraordinary relationship. If you want to attract a conscious, soul mate partnership, you won’t be able to do so if your inner game, or your inner energy, is wonky and mired in muck.
However, it’s not enough to know this on an intellectual level. You need to do the kind of deep reflective work – and consciously engage in transformational exercises like the ones my clients experience through my coaching programs – to attract what you really want in your life.
Here are some things you can do to prepare your inner game and thus influence your energy so you can attract a conscious relationship.
Cut Energetic Cords of the Past: Many spiritual traditions posit that people – including romantic partners – come into our lives to teach us our life lessons. Some of our teachers stay with us and some move on. When we remain blind to the greater reasons of each experience, and the impermanence of all things (another Buddhist lesson), to remain attached, we sabotage our ability to learn and grow. For instance, if a romantic relationship is particularly rocky or difficult, when the time comes to move on, we may sometimes hold onto anger, resentment, blaming and so on. When you frequently (and angrily) reflect on how they hurt you or wronged you – or if you still actively and contentiously engage with them (i.e., still fight it out) even though you are no longer together – it creates an energetic cord that keeps you connected with them in a way that does not foster growth. If you’re still holding grudges or if you’re keeping unresolved issues with past partners alive, you block your ability to complete the relationship at a deeper level. In addition, all of this bound up emotional pain acts like an energy vampire that takes over your emotional and mental states and feeds from your negative thoughts and dramatic reactions. Because “like attracts like”, you will continually attract people of similar energetic patterns. Cut these ties and allow yourself to heal and move on so you can attract a partner with a higher “frequency” or “vibe” or wavelength.
Resolve Past Painful Experiences: Similar to the above, any unresolved painful or traumatic events like betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or abuse (whether physical, emotional, or psychological) that you’re still holding on to will become encoded. It sets us up for a karmic merry-go-round. Because the universe wants us to return to being whole, you’ll continue to subconsciously attract the people, places, things, and events that resonate in an effort to help you move beyond them. Therefore its important to learn your lessons.
Nurture Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion: When people feel confident, worthy and deserving of attracting an empowered relationship, they will inevitably manifest this into their reality. Clearing the source of our inner critical voice will eradicate any self-diminishment and doubt. And as a quick aside, I recently held a special teleclass on the subject of improving self-esteem. The recording will be made available on my new web site in a few weeks.
Address Sabotaging Beliefs: We always have a viewpoint or underlying belief about our lives and the situations we face. How often do you say to yourself: “Things never go my way.” Or – “I’ll never find my perfect match.” Our viewpoints–often blinkered perspectives–are shaped by everything we experience, from our family, culture, environment, health etc. Our assumptions, beliefs and attitudes form the foundations of our lives and influence our energetic core. The challenge with limiting beliefs is that they block manifestation. We hold them as facts, yet they are not. It’s vital to recognize that our current viewpoint is just one way of looking at a situation. To liberate us from our self-imposed limitations, we have to become aware of what our beliefs are and how they were shaped. Read more about limiting beliefs HERE.
Pay Attention to the Physical Self: From a spiritual perspective, your physical body is your temple – the sacred vessel for your spirit and soul. Your body is also your mirror, reflecting for the most part how you regard yourself. When you neglect your health, you send a message to the universe that you don’t feel you’re worthy of respect. Now this doesn’t mean that if your health falters, it’s a sign that you’re sabotaging yourself and that you’ll never attract a conscious partner. Heck, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I was in the best shape of my life, and had been eating well for years. What it did mean was that I needed to take even better care of myself and to explore my physical health on an emotional level so that I could retain my reverence and respect for myself in the face of such a crisis (it’s easy to slip into low self-esteem and depression when you are facing a major illness). If you can’t nurture yourself, it will be highly unlikely that you can nurture a relationship in a way that is ‘enlightened’. While it’s true that a conscious partner is not looking for a trophy, your physical self must be in alignment with your mental, emotional and spiritual self to unequivocally bolster your “vibe” to the universe that will attract a conscious relationship. Having a loving relationship with your physical being means making sure your hormones are in balance, you’re in a healthy weight range and fitness level, you’re eating well and getting enough sleep. It also means not being a slave to the projections from society surrounding beauty and weight.
Master Relationship Skills – once you’re ready to attract a conscious partner, its important to understand what keeps a relationship fresh and new and exciting. It’s all about learning and mastering relationship skills, and using practices that will keep the relationship growing and evolving in greater love, passion, commitment, trust and joy. I have two programs (Become Relationship Ready and Attract the Love of Your Life) that prepare you for such a conscious partnership while my soon-to-be launched Empowered Relationships for Couples program focuses on moving any couple into a grounded and centered way of being, where each partner knows how to communicate effectively and compassionately, owns their issues and works empathetically toward conflict resolution. So schedule your initial consultation with me now so we can talk more about what you can do on a spiritual and energetic level to attract and co-create your soul mate partnership.