On the Menu:  Good Conversation

On the Menu: Good Conversation

Community Dating Skills Fulfillment Requirements

“Finding oneself in a good conversation,” writes author Alain de Botton, “is rather like stumbling on a beautiful square in a foreign city at night—and then never knowing how to get back there in daytime.”

Empowered Singles Circles as today’s town square.

Despite living in a society that prizes sociability, most of us who are single struggle with the art of conversation. Despite the illusion that social media actually connects us and meets our need for being social, singles – singles such as yourself – struggle with isolation and loneliness. In the face of growing evidence that we’re leading less socially connected lives, I have a gift for you: an opportunity for you to chart your way back, in the full light of day, to that beautiful town square as pictured above, full of community and conversation via Empowered Singles Circles.

What’s interesting about these Empowered Singles Circles is that, before the rise of the internet, there were groups of people who met regularly to specifically discuss a variety of issues ranging from art to politics to current events. These groups and places were these events were held were called salons which originally started in 16th century Europe and were popular well into the early 20th century.

Kathy Bates portraying Gertrude Stein in Midnight in Paris. This film allows us a glimpse into Stein's famous salons held in 1920s Paris. Salons were opportunities for thinkers, philosophers, poets, writers, artists etc. to gather to share ideas and create community. Maybe you'll be part of this new generation of salon that I'm creating for Empowered Singles.

Kathy Bates portraying Gertrude Stein in the film Midnight in Paris. Stein held famous salons held in 1920s Paris for thinkers, philosophers, poets, writers, artists etc. to share ideas and create community.

(Perhaps you’ve heard of the legendary salons hosted in Paris by writer Gertrude Stein, with frequent guests including Picasso, Hemingway, James Joyce and F. Scott Fitzgerald to name a few. Her salons were brilliant think-tanks and were instrumental in the shaping of that era’s cultural giants. If you check out Woody Allen’s film Midnight in Paris, you will see scenes involving these famous salons – in fact, Kathy Bates portrayed Gertrude Stein, as pictured to the left. One of my favorite scenes involved Adrien Brody as Salvador Dali – brilliant!)

Create a Support Network

While this idea of hosting circles or salons may seem nostalgic or antiquated, I foresee this experience making a big comeback – primarily because of our essential, undying human need for face-to-face contact and the kind of dialogue that can only come with physically interacting with another person. I have personally experienced the kind of nourishment that occurs when meeting and conversing regularly and over a long period of time with people who share similar values.

The purpose of these Empowered Singles Circles is to encourage you to let go of preconceived ideas, become open to the unexpected, to allow you to go deeply into an issue, to learn, to listen. The emphasis of these circles is on community, to create a sense of ‘groupness,’ so that you can achieve higher insight, wisdom and guidance, to open the heart and speak truth.

So take a moment to picture what your life would be like – how would your life be different and even more enjoyable – if you had a place you could regularly go, to discuss what’s your mind – things that maybe your coupled-up friends don’t understand – and learn?

I invite you to become part of this new movement.  Check out the next time we meet by clicking HERE.

 

The Secret Sauce to Attracting a Conscious Partnership

The Secret Sauce to Attracting a Conscious Partnership

Dating Dating Skills Relationships

I know way too many  (and I mean WAYYYY TOO MANY) singles who desire to attract a great relationship and only focus on strategies – actions undertaken to achieve an aim or goal. Meanwhile they completely ignore certain truths that need to be addressed for the strategy to work. In fact, the other day I had a conversation with a woman who not only tried EHarmony, Match.com, OKCupid and 2 other dating sites, but also paid a matchmaker $4000 to find her a partner. All of which ultimately failed, despite her vehement assertions that “I know exactly what I want in a partner”. (Red Flag Alert!!) So what went wrong? As I’ve said, your inner game is the key that unlocks your gateway to happiness. And why do I stress the inner game so much? Consider this:

You are a magnet.

I’m sure right now you’re picturing yourself as a giant U-shaped piece of metal but actuallywhat I’m talking about is that we are all radiating energy. (OK so here we move to a quantum physics perspective, so hang on.)

Energy makes up everything in existence throughout the universe; it vibrates at certain frequencies depending upon what it is manifest as. Everything is energy and energy is an attractive force, binding together to form matter as we know it.

Everything we sense through our natural five senses of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste is also made up of energy. We also know that things we cannot sense such as radio waves, certain sound waves and even light waves that are outside the visible spectrum are all made up of energy.

Probably the toughest part to comprehend is the fact that even our thoughts are made up of energy and thus vibrate at certain frequencies, depending upon what we are thinking about and what emotion is driving or being driven by those thoughts. Thoughts are far more powerful than we have ever imagined because they not only have the ability to vibrate at their own frequency, they can alter in frequency depending on what we are thinking about. What’s even more compelling is that our thoughts can attract energy to them that is vibrating on the same frequency. This is the underlying explanation of the Law of Attraction. And guess what, as a single wanting to find a conscious partnership, you are in the quantum physics/Law of Attraction game.

If you want some proof of this, try this exercise. Wake up in the morning and dwell upon something that you don’t like about your life. Maybe you don’t really like your commute. So throughout the morning, focus on how much you despise your commute, how rude the other drivers are, how expensive gas is and so on. Linger in this anger the entire morning. Now, when you arrive at your office, take note of how your coworkers react to you. More than likely, they’re going to stay away. The energies of your thoughts have created this subliminal physical barrier that pushes people away.

So as we have energies and our thoughts have energies, which have vibrations, we are always repelling or attracting people and experiences that jive with those vibrations. Being aware of what we’re putting out there is vital when you’re looking to attract someone or something into your life, like an extraordinary relationship. If you want to attract a conscious, soul mate partnership, you won’t be able to do so if your inner game, or your inner energy, is wonky and mired in muck.

However, it’s not enough to know this on an intellectual level. You need to do the kind of deep reflective work – and consciously engage in transformational exercises like the ones my clients experience through my coaching programs – to attract what you really want in your life.

Here are some things you can do to prepare your inner game and thus influence your energy so you can attract a conscious relationship.

Cut Energetic Cords of the Past: Many spiritual traditions posit that people – including romantic partners – come into our lives to teach us our life lessons. Some of our teachers stay with us and some move on. When we remain blind to the greater reasons of each experience, and the impermanence of all things (another Buddhist lesson), to remain attached, we sabotage our ability to learn and grow. For instance, if a romantic relationship is particularly rocky or difficult, when the time comes to move on, we may sometimes hold onto anger, resentment, blaming and so on. When you frequently (and angrily) reflect on how they hurt you or wronged you – or if you still actively and contentiously engage with them (i.e., still fight it out) even though you are no longer together – it creates an energetic cord that keeps you connected with them in a way that does not foster growth. If you’re still holding grudges or if you’re keeping unresolved issues with past partners alive, you block your ability to complete the relationship at a deeper level. In addition, all of this bound up emotional pain acts like an energy vampire that takes over your emotional and mental states and feeds from your negative thoughts and dramatic reactions. Because “like attracts like”, you will continually attract people of similar energetic patterns. Cut these ties and allow yourself to heal and move on so you can attract a partner with a higher “frequency” or “vibe” or wavelength.

Resolve Past Painful Experiences: Similar to the above, any unresolved painful or traumatic events like betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or abuse (whether physical, emotional, or psychological) that you’re still holding on to will become encoded. It sets us up for a karmic merry-go-round. Because the universe wants us to return to being whole, you’ll continue to subconsciously attract the people, places, things, and events that resonate in an effort to help you move beyond them. Therefore its important to learn your lessons.

Nurture Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion: When people feel confident, worthy and deserving of attracting an empowered relationship, they will inevitably manifest this into their reality. Clearing the source of our inner critical voice will eradicate any self-diminishment and doubt. And as a quick aside, I recently held a special teleclass on the subject of improving self-esteem. The recording will be made available on my new web site in a few weeks.

Address Sabotaging Beliefs: We always have a viewpoint or underlying belief about our lives and the situations we face. How often do you say to yourself: “Things never go my way.” Or – “I’ll never find my perfect match.” Our viewpoints–often blinkered perspectives–are shaped by everything we experience, from our family, culture, environment, health etc. Our assumptions, beliefs and attitudes form the foundations of our lives and influence our energetic core. The challenge with limiting beliefs is that they block manifestation. We hold them as facts, yet they are not. It’s vital to recognize that our current viewpoint is just one way of looking at a situation. To liberate us from our self-imposed limitations, we have to become aware of what our beliefs are and how they were shaped. Read more about limiting beliefs HERE.

Pay Attention to the Physical Self: From a spiritual perspective, your physical body is your temple – the sacred vessel for your spirit and soul. Your body is also your mirror, reflecting for the most part how you regard yourself. When you neglect your health, you send a message to the universe that you don’t feel you’re worthy of respect. Now this doesn’t mean that if your health falters, it’s a sign that you’re sabotaging yourself and that you’ll never attract a conscious partner. Heck, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I was in the best shape of my life, and had been eating well for years. What it did mean was that I needed to take even better care of myself and to explore my physical health on an emotional level so that I could retain my reverence and respect for myself in the face of such a crisis (it’s easy to slip into low self-esteem and depression when you are facing a major illness). If you can’t nurture yourself, it will be highly unlikely that you can nurture a relationship in a way that is ‘enlightened’. While it’s true that a conscious partner is not looking for a trophy, your physical self must be in alignment with your mental, emotional and spiritual self to unequivocally bolster your “vibe” to the universe that will attract a conscious relationship. Having a loving relationship with your physical being means making sure your hormones are in balance, you’re in a healthy weight range and fitness level, you’re eating well and getting enough sleep. It also means not being a slave to the projections from society surrounding beauty and weight.

Now go radiate, would ya?

Master Relationship Skills – once you’re ready to attract a conscious partner, its important to understand what keeps a relationship fresh and new and exciting. It’s all about learning and mastering relationship skills, and using practices that will keep the relationship growing and evolving in greater love, passion, commitment, trust and joy. I have two programs (Become Relationship Ready and Attract the Love of Your Life) that prepare you for such a conscious partnership while my soon-to-be launched Empowered Relationships for Couples program focuses on moving any couple into a grounded and centered way of being, where each partner knows how to communicate effectively and compassionately, owns their issues and works empathetically toward conflict resolution. So schedule your initial consultation with me now so we can talk more about what you can do on a spiritual and energetic level to attract and co-create your soul mate partnership.

Shy No More: Tips for Empowered Dating

Shy No More: Tips for Empowered Dating

Courage Dating Dating Skills Self-Acceptance Uncategorized

Last night I hosted a special teleclass on Empowered Dating for Introverts and judging by the fevered pitch of dismay I received from those who missed it, this is a hot topic. I thought I would share here the kernels of what I discussed, including a step-by-step process to help you (as an introvert and/or as someone who is shy) date to your strengths.

Before we get into strategies and tactics, let’s differentiate between Shyness and Introversion because the two are not the same. According to Psychology Today, Shyness is the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people. Shy people often desperately want to connect with others, but don’t know how or can’t tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction. Introverts, on the other hand, have the interpersonal skills and healthy self-esteem needed for interacting with others yet feel most energized by time alone. Shy people want very much to be with others but lack the social skills and self-esteem to take a chance. Introverts seek time alone because they want time alone. At a party, you might see an introvert and a shy person standing against the wall, but the introvert prefers to be there, while the Continue reading

Empowered Dating for Introverts

Empowered Dating for Introverts

Courage Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Relationships Self Discovery

Do you feel awkward, even apprehensive, when approaching or being approached by other people? Do you desperately want to connect with others, but don’t know how or can’t tolerate the anxiety that comes with interaction? Dating can seem extraordinarily hard for those who are either shy or introverted – taking risks to put oneself out there can seem like a daunting task. Plus our society tends to disfavor either trait; often we express this bias by encouraging shy and/or introverted people to see themselves as ill.

The truth is, more people than not are both. In fact, shyness and introversion – or more accurately, the careful, sensitive temperament from which both often spring – are not just normal, they are valuable. The challenge is when we long to make a connection and are Continue reading

“Survey Says!”…dating & relationship statistics

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Goals Planning Relationships Solutions Women

Because I am a research geek (I love surveys and statistics), I was cruising around the interwebs, looking to see if I could find any recent stats on Singles in the U.S. I found a site that I’ve now bookmarked, statisticbrain.com, just in case I have the urge to know more about how many people visit national parks and things like that. They did have a pretty cool table that highlighted findings from a survey chronicled in a book called Sex in America, A Definitive Survey. As you can surmise, researchers like clarity, even in their book titles. I’m summarizing the stats that I found super-interesting here – some of which I think you should consider as you map out your scouting strategies – and of course, Continue reading

It’s time to attract the extraordinary!

Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Goals Planning Relationships Resolutions Special Events Success

Let’s Make 2014 the Year that You Attract the Extraordinary! Do you want to see all of your New Year’s resolutions come true? Do you want to attract an extraordinary relationship, or make current relationship gleam? Now’s the time get this party started! Let’s shut the door on 2013 and open a new one, to a life that sparkles with good friends, healthy finances and a thriving career – and most of all, let this be the year that you find Continue reading

Women ~ get your shields up … ?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Uncategorized Women

Advocating for the safety of women doesn’t mean that men suck

Shields Up! (Is this what he meant?)

Shields Up! (Is this what he meant?)

The other day I posted to my Google+ account a clip by Louis CK (see here) in which he marveled at straight women’s willingness to continue dating men, considering that men are the leading cause of death to women. This post started to get some commentary from men who felt defensive, claiming that I was contributing to the problem because I was advising women to “shield up” by painting all men as Continue reading

Is your current relationship the right one for you?

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Fulfillment Requirements Solutions Success

From The Chooser files, an assessment

The other night I hosted a webinar on Being the Chooser – a new paradigm for attracting the extraordinary.

(FYI: I also use the words Creator and Architect interchangeably for the word Chooser – it all refers to the same thing: taking the initiative to create what you want, taking full responsibility for your outcomes and making choices mindful of their long-term consequences…. In other words, think about what you want for yourself in your life. A fulfilling relationship? Success in your career? Financial serenity? Whatever your aims are, to get what you want, you must be the Chooser.)

Continue reading

10 Commandments of Attracting Extraordinary Relationships

Attitudes Dating Dating Skills Dreams Fulfillment Relationships Requirements Self Discovery Success
Just say no to "meh"

Just say no to “meh”

Interested in attracting the extraordinary? Not satisfied with “meh” (or worse, destructive) relationships? Congratulations – and welcome to Empowered Dating & Relationships, a new paradigm. I do not believe – not for one second – that we need to settle for anything less than the very best in our lives. I think that men and women alike can come together from this space of empowerment and vitality and learn to co-create relationships that are uplifting, exciting and Continue reading

Are you caught in a trap?

Dating Dating Skills Relationships Solutions Success Uncategorized

Register for all the major online dating sites – Check.
Go to singles mixers – Check.
Ask friends to help scout – Check.
Go out on a bunch of dates and come home frustrated and dismayed – Check.

What exactly is going wrong? If you’re like me, it could very well be that you’ve fallen into one of these common dating traps. Continue reading