The 5 relationships that matter in life

The 5 relationships that matter in life

Relationships

To live life as an Empowered Single, we all need to be satisfied in certain areas of our lives, such as health and finances to name a few, and we all need to attend to our attitudes and beliefs surrounding those areas. By now we can all agree that what’s crucial in our lives is relationships yet most singles get stuck solely on the romantic kind. What they don’t realize is that relationships come in various forms and all contribute to our sense of well-being as well as influence how satisfied we can be in romantic ones.

Without proper relationships, people can’t ever reach their real potential.

To be clear, a relationship is defined as a connection, association, or involvement. Depending on our relationships, we can either create or destroy anything that we want.

In my eyes, there are only five relationships that matter the most:  Your relationship with objects/things, others, family, self, and spirit.

If you don’t work on improving any of these relationships, and getting to a healthy place, you will suffer because of ignorance.

Here’s the truth behind these types of relationships. I’ve put them in order, starting with the least important to the most important.

  1. Relationship with Objects/Things

objectsHave you ever heard people say, “Just whack that computer and it will work”? That’s a pure sign of ignorance about objects. If you think that slapping a computer to make it work will do the trick, you’ll continue to be deluded.

Conversely, if you think your material goods have value, then you will treat them with respect. For example, consider a person who litters relentlessly in public versus one who doesn’t. The person who dumps trash everywhere will never be at peace (and won’t know why). The person who goes the extra mile to drop litter into the trash will have a peace of mind that will allow him or her to do more in his life.

Or maybe you are overly rough with items you own, such as your car. You don’t drive it gently, you don’t take care of your oil changes, your brakes are worn out etc. You take the object for granted. And these objects don’t even need to be expensive ones.

Now I’m not talking about being enchanted with material things and needing to have more. What I’m saying is that if you respect everything around you and take care of your belongings, if you don’t subscribe to a throw-away or disposable mind set, you’ll find that you’re less likely to struggle. Things will last longer and you’ll find that you may even need less. (Can you see how this translates into the romantic relationship realm?)

  1. Relationship with Others

The ways you think, feel, and act toward others are determining factors to your success. If you harbor emotions of envy, revenge, anger, greed, or hate, you’ll never have fulfilling relationships. You’ll always be looking for ways to hurt your fellow human beings.

friendshipHowever, emotions of joy, faith, hope, and love can dynamically shift your results in your life. The most reliable and confident people in the world always find ways to encourage others and spread their love, even in the most minimal ways.

The level of your love (or hate) can be felt by others. When you walk into a room, most people know what you’re about. They can feel your energy and immediately know how to respond, whether it is consciously or unconsciously.

  1. Relationships with Family

You might be asking why I separated the relationship with “others” and “family” or even why I’ve ranked “family” more important than others. It’s simple. If you don’t have a good relationship with your family, you won’t have it with others.

familyNow I know that there are some families where it’s impossible to have a loving connection. There are some family situations that have seriously and negatively impacted people’s lives. You don’t have to like all of your family members, yet you will need to let go of any hatred or resentment toward them. You don’t even have to deal with them directly, but you must be determined to send understanding their way and avoid blaming them. (This is a hard one, I know, which is why it becomes important to get support.)

When we focus on releasing resentment and practicing patience with family members, we can easily apply these relationship skills to other relationships.

  1. Relationship with Self

You can only respect family, others, or things if you can enhance your relationship with yourself. If you can believe in yourself, you’ll find that everyone else will believe in you. You are your best friend and your worst enemy.

Every day, there is a constant battle within us which urges us to make many choices. If our positive choices outweigh our negative choices, our chances for success increase. In short, you are the sum total of all the choices you’ve made up until this point.

You are your choices. You can choose this day to be successful or you can choose to fail. Your attitude and beliefs will dictate where you will be directed. No one can control this, except you. The person who takes the most responsibility of their choices will create an extraordinary life.

  1. Relationship with Spirit

Whether you believe in God or universal laws which govern the heavens and earth or Nature herself, your relationship with the Spirit allows you to do far more than what you are capable of. In fact, the more you let the Spirit be in relationship with you, the more you can be leveraged by the universe.

Many people do not realize that they are spiritual bodies. They fail to achieve success in their lives because they only cater to their physical world. For example, if they get emotionally hurt, they resort to overeating or drugs instead of addressing the real problem (i.e. guilt, regret, shame, resentment, etc).

Spirituality encourages people to be positive, which may be expressed through generosity and optimism. Spiritual people tend to flourish more than non-spiritual people because they strive toward a better life and consider personal growth and fulfillment as a central goal. Spirituality requires people to focus on their internal values and work on becoming a better person.

Everything we do in the spiritual world has consequences. If you want to have a spiritual experience, you don’t have to try that hard as long as you have an open mind. You must be willing to let go of trying to control everything.

No matter who you are or what you do, these five relationships will make you or break you. When you focus on developing them every day, you will become an unstoppable force for the rest of your life.

 

What women find most attractive in men

What women find most attractive in men

Fulfillment Relationships

Most single peeps I talk with about dating and relationships seem to think that most people use physical attractiveness as their number one screening tool. Next is sense of humor.

But if you’re a guy, it turns out that women don’t actually use looks as their number one “must have”. What will really get a woman’s attention is how generous you are, according to a new study in Evolutionary Psychology.

Researchers from the University of Worcester in the UK showed more than 200 women pictures of the same two men—one more attractive, one less—in different scenarios. In total there were 12 scenarios, 8 of which displayed altruistic conditions and 4 of which were neutral.

The study confirmed that women found men who behaved altruistically more desirable then those who did not, regardless of how good looking they were. To put it another way, ladies opt for a less attractive fellow if he is generous over a hot-but-selfish guy.

The researchers also found – no surprise here – that the preference for altruistic men was also further influenced by their physical attractiveness…meaning that attractive men became significantly more so when they were altruistic.

“Possibly most interestingly, we found that if a women could choose only one of these traits for a long term partner, then it would be more likely that he was altruistic than physically attractive,” said study author Daniel Farrelly, Ph.D., senior lecturer in Psychology at the University of Worcester.

What’s all the hubbub?

Researchers posit that this is a biological motivation – altruistic men will be better partners and better fathers. In his article, Farrally explained: “One thing that is important in mate selection are signals that a long-term partner has the necessary psychological characteristics to indicate that he will be a good father, including kindness, generosity, and an altruistic nature.”

Interestingly, the opposite was actually true for short term relationships —women found generous guys specifically less attractive. Now this is a topic for another day.

To be sure, being generous has other benefits. Scientists at the Interdisciplinary Program for Empathy and Altruism Research theorize that volunteering and being generous is good for one’s health and well-being because it means getting off the couch and out of the house, so it makes us stronger and more physically fit. More physically fit people tend to deal with stress better, which can help them live longer lives. Being generous and volunteering also create social connections. We are hard-wired for face-to-face contact that includes lots of touch, eye contact, and smiles. Such interactions release a hormone called oxytocin, which helps us to bond and care for others, and also helps us to handle stress better. Volunteering is a good way to meet others, make friends, and bond over common beliefs and goals. (And we all know by now how important it is to develop a good social network.) Lastly, being generous and volunteering just feels good. Volunteering can give us a deep sense of happiness, which is also associated with longer and healthier lives.

helpfulSo are you screwed if you don’t volunteer at a soup kitchen? Not really. You can show your charitable side with anything where there is clearly a cost involved whether in time or finances, Farrally said. You have a few options:

  • Financial philanthropy, like giving a dollar to a homeless person or adopting an endangered animal in the local zoo.
  • Giving your time, like volunteering or helping out in a local charity shop.
  • Enduring physical costs, like donating blood or bone marrow.
  • Any heroic act (not so much throwing yourself in front of a bus … more like rescuing a stranded kitten from up a tree).
  • Displaying compassion and kindness.

altruism soup kitchen