How to develop self-empowerment

How to develop self-empowerment

Fulfillment Solutions Uncategorized

Self-empowerment for happier relationships

Empowered CoupleYou may not realize this but your relationships are a reflection of your true personality and character. They correspond to your inner attitudes, beliefs and feelings about yourself. Relationships don’t necessarily reflect the person you want to be or pretend to be – they reflect back to you the person you really are at this moment. The people you choose to spend time with are a reflection of the person you really are inside.

So to co-create happy, healthy partnerships as well as lead a kick-a$$ life, you will need to take steps to become empowered, which we’ve previously defined as the process of becoming powerful.

Here are some starting points to think about, gleaned from the work of Abraham Maslow, a famed American psychologist who specialized in self-actualization. Self-actualization is defined as “the desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for [the individual] to become actualized in what he is potentially.”

Experience life fully and vividly. The process of empowerment begins when we start to become completely immersed in our experiences – living fully, vividly and selflessly.

Be honest in your choices. Life is a series of choices. If you’re truthful with yourself as you make your choices, then you’re on the way to being empowered.

Be aware of your uniqueness. Realize that you are unique and begin to learn how to express yourself and your feelempowered super manings truthfully, rather than reflect what you believe others want you to do or say.

Act with integrity. You always have a choice in whatever situation you face so act in a way that is honest and true to your nature. As you take responsibility for your own actions, you will move toward empowerment.

Be courageous. Learn to expand your horizons and let go of the familiar. Learn to not be deterred by fear and adversity. Learn to follow your heart and stand up for what is right. Learn to face adversity with dignity.

Focus on continual self-development. Self-empowerment is not an end-state, rather it is a process.

Let go of your ego defenses. Learning to let go of troublesome defense mechanisms that you may use to protect yourself is a necessary part of this process. For example, if you have a tendency to blame your partner for your frustrations or to become angry when things don’t go your way, learn to react in a constructive manner.

Develop trust. This can be a difficult and lengthy process but without it, empowerment and happiness is not possible.  To develop trust, aim to:

  • Be Open:  In the sharing of information, ideas and thoughts.  When appropriate also share emotions, feelings and reactions.
  • Share and Co-operate:  Share resources and knowledge with others to help them to achieve their goals.
  • Be Trustworthy:  When other people place their trust in you, do your best to provide positive outcomes.
  • Be Accepting:  Hold the values and views of others in high regard.
  • Be Supportive:  Support others when necessary while also recognizing their strengths.

Learn to understand your strengths and limits. Identifying these will enable you to build on your strengths. If you face problems that are truly beyond your capabilities, seek help.  Empowered people know their own limits and have no problems with asking for help or guidance.

Develop confidence. Confidence acts as one of the greatest motivators or most powerful limitations to anyone trying to change their behavior and become more empowered.  Most people only undertake tasks that they feel capable of doing and it takes great effort to overcome a lack of confidence.  Self-empowerment involves people constantly challenging their own beliefs and what they are capable of undertaking.


… I know all of this sounds simple at first glance yet the real magic exists in the HOW to get there, which is what my coaching programs give you. What’s more, as you move forward toward self-fulfillment via my coaching programs, you’ll learn how to self-manage and course correct when faced with challenges that threaten to derail you.

To learn more about how you can liberate yourself and become an Empowered Single, please email me to schedule a no-cost 45 minute breakthrough session.  (If you qualify).  Email me by clicking HERE.

Ask the Coach: Am I empowered?

Ask the Coach: Am I empowered?

Ask the Coach

Dear Coach Linda:  You keep talking about empowered singles – in fact, it seems like that’s the word to use these days, with all these “empowered” meet up groups springing up – but I’m not sure what that really means. How can you tell if someone is empowered? – Charlie

Hi Charlie, thanks for the question.

We're all superheroes in the making

We’re all superheroes in the making

As I mentioned in the most recent issue of my newsletter, empowerment really means, at a basic level, ‘becoming powerful‘. Building personal empowerment involves reflecting on our personal values, our limiting beliefs, skills and goals and being prepared to adjust our behavior to achieve our goals.

We all seek to be happy in our lives; empowerment, which focuses on human potential and our desire to express ourselves fully, is the basis for that happiness.

Singles who aim for empowerment are able to take control of their lives by making positive choices, which is vital to co-creating happy relationships. Developing self-awareness, which is an understanding of your strengths and limitations, is also key to personal empowerment and essential to co-creating harmony.

To help you determine how “empowered” you are, here’s a quick assessment.

On a scale of 1-3 (1=totally agree; 2=sometimes agree; 3=never agree), score each statement below. When thinking about each answer, recall real-life examples of when you acted on — or ignored — each statement.  In other words, look for verifiable proof of whether or not these statements are true for you.


  1. ___I am aware of all my commitments and remember to say NO when I need to.
  2. ___One of my top 5 priorities in my life is me and when I become overwhelmed, I give myself time to reflect and regroup.
  3. ___When involved in a romantic relationship, I still honor the importance of maintaining my own friends and personal interests.
  4. ___I do not compromise my integrity or the standards I live by for the sake of any relationship.
  5. ___When things don’t “feel” right, I do not ignore the message, knowing that this information is in my best interest.
  6. ___I understand that happiness comes from within and that I cannot rely on someone else to make me happy.
  7. ___I do not assume anything, and I am very specific about my intentions in my personal and business life.
  8. ___I am very important and want to be an equal partner in my relationships.
  9. ___I know that every relationship teaches me something new about myself and that I am a work in progress, in terms of my growth and awareness.
  10. ___I take things in stride because I know how too much stress impacts my life.
  11. ___I keep my focus on positive, healthy solutions when I am met with adversity.
  12. ___If I am faced with personal challenges I cannot resolve myself, I seek professional help.
  13. ___With all my close relationships, I look for someone with the qualities I want in a friend.
  14. ___I understand the value of keeping a sense of humor when the “going gets tough.”
  15. ___I am aware of my self-talk and keep my inner dialogue away from negative, self-demeaning comments.



If you “totally agree” with 13-15 statements, you are in a good state of empowerment and are looking out for what’s best for you. If you answered “sometimes” to four or more of these statements, it means you occasionally go against your best interest and are willing to sacrifice your health and well-being. Any “never” statements should be seriously looked at because you are sacrificing too much of yourself for others.


For more empowering information, go to to order your free digital download of my eBook 21 Days to Joy, Love & Prosperity. This workbook gives you the wisdom, tools and practices you need to make healthy, positive changes in your life.

The Empowered Single: An urban legend?

The Empowered Single: An urban legend?

Self Discovery Self-Acceptance Uncategorized
We're no mythological creature...

We’re no mythological creature…

Know what to look for when searching for the Empowered Single

Myths and fables have been around since our ancient ancestors sat around campfires and spun legendary stories about people or things that exist only in the imagination. Fortunately, an Empowered Single is not an urban legend or fairy tale, like a unicorn or dragon. Empowered Singles exist. They do! And I’ve seen them in their natural habitat.

They’re actually not hard to find – empowered singles share some common qualities*. Here’s how you can easily spot one:

  • They possess a positive self-image with high levels of self-acceptance and acceptance of others – there’s no shame in their game.
  • They can see life, circumstances, people and events clearly without over dramatization.
  • They have a well-developed and even quirky sense of humor that is philosophical rather than hostile. They can laugh at themselves but never make jokes that hurt others.
  • They possess self-knowledge and self-awareness, which is the ability to know thyself in all its facets and thereby know how others operate and then how to interact with them.
  • They intentionally live their values on a daily basis, knowing that their values form the foundations of who they are and who they continue to become. To be self-aware it’s necessary to be aware of our values, to critically examine them, to intentionally live them, to use them as a guide as we make the best choices in any situation and to accept that our values may be different from those of others.
  • They’ve identified their Life Visionand Life Purpose which reflects what they long to bring into the world and points them in the direction they want to move in.
  • They set goals that reflect their values so they can take charge of their lives and move confidently in the direction of their dreams.
  • They understand the hidden science of Cause and Effect, knowing that what they reap what they sow. They are self-starters, responsible for themselves, and own their behavior.
  • They tend to be serene, characterized by a lack of worry, and retain dignity amid confusion and personal misfortune, all the while remaining objective.
  • They resist conformity. They determine their own behavior and have their own views on people and events. Because they take an independent view, they can see situations and problems more objectively and consequently they tend to be creative and make valuable contributions to society.
  • Their intimate relationships with specially loved people tend to be profound, sincere and long-lasting, rather than superficial. They respect others’ individuality and feel joy at another’s success.
  • They are motivated to continual growth and tend to be inner-directed.
  • They use positive and active language, knowing that their self-image is reflected in the words that they use.  (For example, saying “I should” or “You should” behave in a certain way implies passivity and detracts from being in control and taking responsibility.)

empowered woman on grassNow that you know what to look for, perhaps you can start discerning who is empowered and who is not when you’re scouting, screening and sorting potential friends and romantic partners.

Maybe you can even do a little self-evaluation by taking the empowerment assessment featured in the next post.

And finally, remember that birds of a feather fly together so maybe now is a good time to be a member of my Empowered Singles nation – enroll HERE.


*Please know that I’m not making this sh*t up – Abraham Maslow, a famed American psychologist, made his career proving that humans are not blindly reacting to situations, but trying to accomplish something greater. He studied mentally healthy individuals (instead of people with serious psychological issues) and concluded that empowered or self-actualizing people indicate coherent personalities (relating to the unique patterns of experience and action that make each of us who we are) and represent optimal psychological health and functioning. He also proved that all the individuals he studied had similar personality traits. These are the traits I list above.

How to empower your holidays

How to empower your holidays


Make your holidays happy AND energize your kick-a$$ single self at the same time

It’s that time of year again … the time when I see many singles get either frantic or depressed about not being in a relationship. Does that sound familiar? Does it seem like the rest of the world is going two-by-two, in step to the beat of the “Little Drummer Boy,” while you march to the tune of “Only the Lonely”?

Friends at Christmas-PartyIt’s no wonder that most singles are stressed at this time of year. Finding yourself alone during the holidays doesn’t match the pictures of togetherness depicted in television commercials. Indeed, the Hallmark version of how the holidays “should” be has forced many expectations on us that we can never live up to. As a result, it can seem like the darkest time of the year for many. Even those singles who are in madly in love with their lives harbor dreams of sharing this time of year with that perfect someone.

As I like to joke: don’t become a statistic. As an Empowered Single, you have the option to choose how you spend your holiday time this year. Here are some ways to Energize Your Powerful Single Self to have the most kick-a$$ holiday season ever.

 >  Be clear on your own values. What’s important to YOU this season? Community? Family? Service to others? Look at your list and determine whether the items on your list are really aligned with your own values – or, are they things someone else thinks you “should” care about?  What are you ready to say “NO” to this year? And what do you want to do instead?

 >  Mix n Mingle your way.  If being single during the holidays makes you cringe and want to stay home, find ways to take charge and claim your stake in the fun.  If you want to mix and mingle, think about how you’d like to do so. Are you going to huge impersonal parties when you really prefer smaller get-togethers where you know everybody? Reluctant to show up at events alone? If so, employ the buddy system!  Pick one friend to go places with, be it a girl or guy friend, a friend who you can be yourself with, laugh and dance with, and someone with whom you can completely relax and share the festivities of the season. For extra insurance also be proactive and ask the host to invite other singles they know and love – with you in mind!

>  Slow down. It’s understandable that many singles anxiously think ahead to the new year and, then of course, fast-forward to Valentine’s Day, so they amp up by going out on even more fruitless dates or going to even more single mingles (and then wind up dismayed and even more depressed). C0-Creating the Extraordinary is not a race. Being alone for the holidays may not be at the top of your to-do list, but if you’re hoping you can hurry up and find someone so that you can get that New Year’s kiss, think twice. Put away your computer and take a breath. Focus on today, tomorrow or next week — not next month. This is a good time to ask yourself how you can be proactive without rushing into something. Are you meeting people? How are you meeting people? If what you’re doing isn’t working, change it up. Consider what you can do differently so you can maximize your chances of meeting new people and, perhaps meet someone special!

Here's to a kick-a$$ holiday season!

Here’s to a kick-a$$ holiday season!

>  Practice Random Acts of Kindness.  Take a few moments to offer random acts of kindness to both those you know and those you don’t know. If someone else you know is having a difficult time coping with this holiday season, reach out to them. This will help you as much as it does them.

>  Practice Loving Kindness. As you prepare for the holidays, it’s easy to slip into a funk and beat yourself up, thinking that your entire life is a failure simply because you’re unattached. Practice being gentle with yourself. Think about the following:

  • Be more patient with yourself and with others.
  • Forgive yourself. Let go of your inner critical voice that picks on everything you have ever done. Be kind to yourself, let go of the past, and move on. You have a whole new beginning; it starts NOW, so embrace it.
  • Hold onto the things that are going well in your life.
  • Be grateful and express your appreciation towards others.
  • Let go of past regrets and fears of the unknown.
  • Focus on maintaining healthy eating habits, stay hydrated with pure water, get proper rest and plenty of exercise.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff and remember to keep giving the gift of LOVE without expectations of receiving anything back.
Empowered Singles:  How to handle sexual harassment

Empowered Singles:  How to handle sexual harassment


You gather up the courage to go to a large singles dance, determined that you’re going to break out of your comfort zone. You wear your best clothes and pay extra attention to your grooming. You psyche yourself up, reminding yourself that it’s all about practicing how to seize the moment, practice making conversation and hopefully making friends. You choose to detach from expectations or outcomes and simply enjoy the event as a way of networking.

You arrive and take initiative and begin talking with a group of people who are receptive to your friendliness. You are the paragon of an Empowered Single.

And lo and behold, you actually meet someone who is funny, attractive and charming and you hit it off. By the end of the evening, you two exchange phone numbers and arrange to meet up with each other again in a few days.

So far so good, right?

So you meet up again – two more times in fact – and you begin to think that, while you’re going to take your time to make sure he fits with your values and life vision, perhaps there is potential here. You start to feel hopeful…

… when out of the blue, he texts you graphic pictures of his privates. You’re shocked and upset and you don’t know what to do. You feel violated and ashamed.



You’ve just been a victim of sexual harassment.

Now I KNOW that members of my Empowered Singles community would be flabbergasted by this kind of behavior and yet it happens. In fact, sexual harassment has happened to several members of the Empowered Singles community.

What is sexual harassment?

Most people think that sexual harassment is often found in work environments but it can happen in any area of our lives. (And it’s an equal opportunity crime.) Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome or uninvited sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. The keywords are Unwanted and Uninvited – whether explicit or not. The courts have generally concluded that a victim need not say or do a particular thing to indicate “unwelcomeness”.

Any of the following unwanted behavior may constitute sexual harassment:

  • leering
  • wolf whistles
  • discussion of one’s partner’s sexual inadequacies
  • sexual innuendo
  • comments about women’s bodies
  • ‘accidentally’ brushing sexual parts of the body
  • lewd & threatening letters
  • tales of sexual exploitation
  • graphic descriptions of pornography
  • pressure for dates
  • sexually explicit gestures
  • unwelcome touching and hugging
  • sexual sneak attacks, (e.g., grabbing breasts or buttocks )
  • sabotaging women’s work
  • sexist and insulting graffiti
  • demanding, “Hey, baby, give me a smile”
  • inappropriate invitations (e.g., hot tub)
  • sexist jokes and cartoons
  • hostile put-downs of women
  • exaggerated, mocking ‘courtesy’
  • public humiliation
  • obscene phone calls
  • displaying pornography in the workplace
  • insisting that workers wear revealing clothes in the workplace
  • inappropriate gifts (ex. Lingerie or sex toys)
  • hooting, sucking, lip-smacking, & animal noises
  • pressing or rubbing up against the victim
  • sexual assault
  • soliciting sexual services
  • stalking
  • leaning over , invading a person’s space
  • indecent exposure

harassment image 1In the Empowered Singles community, there is ZERO tolerance for this kind of behavior. If someone finds they are victim to sexual harassment, they are encouraged to not let it slide. Some people believe that the best course of action is to sweep it under the rug, to not make a scene, thinking that people will “blame the victim” or judge them poorly. Even if our society is prone to blaming the victim, it’s important to not let that sway you from taking action. Any proactive steps you take now could prevent someone else from falling victim.

If you’re not clear what territory you occupy with a potential date, remember this:  Consent is a verbal agreement between people BEFORE they engage in any kind of activity. Both people have to say “YES!” clearly and freely. Consent must given willingly and without physical or emotional duress. How do you know if you have consent?  ASK!!!

So here are some simple steps you can take, if you find yourself subject to unwanted sexual provocations.

  • Do the unexpected: Name the behavior and be specific.
  • Hold the harasser accountable for his actions. Don’t make excuses for him; don’t pretend it didn’t really happen. Take charge of the encounter and let people know what he did. Privacy protects harassers, but visibility undermines them.
  • Make honest, direct statements. Speak the truth (no threats, no insults, no obscenities, no appeasing verbal fluff and padding). Be serious, straightforward, and blunt.
  • Demand that the harassment stop.
  • Make it clear that everyone has the right to be free from sexual harassment. Objecting to harassment is a matter of principle.
  • Stick to your own agenda. Don’t respond to the harasser’s excuses or diversionary tactics.
  • The behavior is the issue. Say what you have to say, and repeat it if he persists.
  • Reinforce your statements with strong, self-respecting body language: eye contact, head up, shoulders back, a strong, serious stance. Don’t smile. Timid, submissive body language will undermine your message.*

Legal Remedies for Sexual Harassment

If you decide to file a complaint, think about consult an attorney, although you are not required to retain counsel in order to file. Attorney referrals can be obtained by contacting local women’s centers, rape crisis centers or national women’s organizations, your union (if member), specialized employee interest groups, law schools, legal aid community services, state Fair Employment Practice (FEP) agencies, or state Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) offices. In addition, your friends and professional contacts may know suitable attorneys.

Of course there may be some residual emotional aftereffects such as lack of trust, depression, high blood pressure and sleep problems. If you find that you are beginning to show such symptoms, please get support immediately.

In the meantime, check out these resources below.


Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network:

Feminist Majority Foundation:

State Laws on Stalking:

NJ Lawman – law enforcement magazine:


* Tips via the Feminist Majority Foundation